Let me have the strength...

Lagi berapa bulan 2016 akan melabuhkan tirainya. 

1 year stop treatment and it's about time for me to get back on track before the FET.

Hubby was diagnosed with slipped disc and for the past 1 month we went up and down to Ipoh to do his treatment. 

He opt for alternative medication which after 2 round, he felt much much better. 

The practitioner mentioned it is also the reason for him having a low sperm count.

He got a few more sessions of treatment and we'll see later macamana..

I've wanted to go for rawatan perubatan Islam in Melaka which I've found out that this Ustaz is good at those with fertility issues. 

But since skang ni dok ulang alik Ipoh, baik tgu settle hubby dulu baru ke Melaka. 

Matilanakkk nak ke Ipoh, Melaka every week kan.

So kita pelan2 .

In terms of supplement, this is what I'm taking/ using now :

1. 

Jus Delima Golshan. 

Rasa sama je dgn Pati Delima tu tapi sebab dasar pemalas nak bancuh Pati Delima, kita beli yg paket camni. So everyday minum 1 pouch.

2. 

Young Living Progessence Plus

Yang ni takyah telan. Just sapu je kat tengkuk. 

3. 

Jus Goyang Rapat

Hahaha. Masa memula beli ni mmg kena gelak but after trying, seriyessssssssss sedap! And yes, after consumed 3 botol, and for the last 4 cycle of period, my senggugut is gone! Like mcm takde rasa sakit apa tau-tau dah period. And I can go for 3KM marathon on my 1st day of period, travel to JB, no mood swings.. and of course tang RAPAT tu mmg rapat weh! 

4. 

Vitamin C.

Yang ni mmg hari2 hisap. 

5. 

Frankincense Young Living Oil

Yang ni saya sapu kat perut and tempat2 yg dulunya ada fibroid. Saya tak check pon fibroid saya ada lagi ke tak tapi saya rasa macam dah takde sbb darah period saya dah tak ketul2 lagi. And I always got my heavy flow nowadays. 

6. 

Himalaya Karela.

Ok ni latest. Baru beli 3 hari lepas. Nak stable kan sugar level dalam badan saya. We'll see nnt apa jadi. 

And I think I need to take back my Vit D, B Complex, Fish Oil and Coq10.

That's a lot! Matilanakkk... 

#2 ICSI - BFN

Bismillah..

Tak tau macamana nak update ..

BETA test came out BFN.
Yes, I've failed my first ICSI.

It's been hard for me at first but with the support I got from my families, TTC friends, friends and not forgetting my DH, Alhamdulillah I am OK now.

I am recovering although not fully recovered. It takes time.

But I am strong. I know.
We all TTCians does.

I am thankful enough that I still have 2 embryos with 8-cells frozen.
I haven't decided when to continue my FET and DR. T already informed me that I can start the soonest after my next 2 cycle of period.

Everything was fine all the way from OPU till ET day.

I got 9 eggs collected.
8 fertilized.
4 made it to day 3.
2 transferred was 6 and 7 cell embryos.
2 frozen with 8 cells embryos.

Lining was great. Sugar was level was great s well.
I bed rested till 10dp3dt until I got my spotting.
No other symptom except AF cramp almost everyday from 4dp3dt.
My BETA was scheduled on 12dp3dt but since I got spotting, I was called to do it on 11dp3dt which falls on last Friday.

It came back NEGATIVE.
Dr. T was sad as well.

But I know, Allah has better plan for me for now.

#1 ICSI - 1dp3dt Throwback OPU

Tengok title atas tu mungkin some of the TTCians memahaminya.

Yes I am on my 1day post 3 days transfer.
Yes saya telah pun selamat menjalani ICSI saya yg pertama and now on my 2ww period.

Alhamdulillah Allah telah mempermudahkan segala-galanya setakat ini dan harapnya selepas ni pon sama.

As per my last entry, my OPU is done last Friday.
And I am scheduled at 7 am! Gile awal!

Arrived at around 645 am dekat Level 2. Admission procedure dah buat on last Wednesday.
My mom pon insist nak ikut jugak pegi. Doa ibu tu sangat2 penting ya!
Since KL Fert ni takde ward sendiri, they tumpang KL Sports Hospital punya ward.

I was told earlier by my nurse councellor not to wear jewellery, cosmetics or any strong scents products for the procedure.
So mandi air kosong je la kite.
Puasa pon start dr kol 12 tgh mlm sblom tu.

Sbb sampai awal, ward tak bukak lg so we stayed at the ground floor tu kejap.
Mulut ni tak berhenti2 berzikir dan baca surah Al-fatihah sbb takut sgt.
I ols ni sgt takutkan jarum, dah 2 kali operate gula naik gile babi sbb nobes sgt!
7 am sharp kami naik ke tkt 2. And the room is ready for me!
Sumpah besar giler single room dia siap ada sofa!

Alamak takley lak nak attach pic lak pakai phone ni. Later la iols update gambor ya!

Nurse bg uniform utk ditukarkan before ke OT.
After tukar, the Anaesthetists pon dtg utk bg briefing of the bius procedure.
Since I have 2 experienced before this dia just explain yg it is not really a fully bius but i will be put in a very deep sleep.
Then operasi meletak jarum kat tangan. Yg ni mmg selalu bermasalah.
Urat belah kiri tak jumpa. Pindah kanan.
Cucuk ke tangan memula tp urat tu tendang jarum tu balik.
Sakit gila ok!!!! And mmg masa tu siap ckp sakit sakit.
Then tukar pegi kt lengan plak. Nasib jumpa.
Again tahan lagi sakit!!

Mula lah time tu pk dugaan apakah ini?
Then Dr Helena pon dtg. She's beautiful I tell u.
She explained what is going to happen in the OT.

By 720 am I was ald in the OT.
The anaesthetists came again and put the medicine.
Pastu Im gone!
Sedar2 Dr Helena senyum and said I managed to take 9 beautiful eggs from u!
And the nurse pushed me to the room.
Masa tu pukul 745 am.

Pastu i tertido jap smp kol 815am sbb the BP machine kept on taking my bp automatically mmg susah la nak tido.
By 930 am, they gave me my breakfast.
By 10 am, Iols dah ke toilet and changed.
I need to go back to level 6 and get my medicine and MC.

Jumpa dr Helena and she told I got 9 good eggs and I need to come back on Monday for the Embrio transfer.

Took my medicine and went straight home sbb ada rasa cramp sana sini.
Sampai rumah the cramped became worst.
Sumpah takut OHSS masa ni.
Contacted the nurse councellor and she told me to take the panadol.
Lps makan panadol, I terus tertido. And bila bangun Alhamdulillah dah kurang sakit dia.

Dari Jumaat till Sunday I just rest at home.
Baring, solat, makan.

Will continue my ET day on my next entry ya!

#14 Road to ICSI - I am near there!

CD 6 - TVS session with Dr. T again.

Appointment at 1215 pm.
Arrived at around 1150 am and the nurse asked me to go and have lunch first as there is around 6 other patient more.

And I managed to see doctor at around 115 pm.
DH have to passed his Friday prayers on this.

So straight away Dr. T did the TVS.
Found 8 follicles between 10-11mm in sizes.
A bit faster than normal 8-10mm.

Dr. T prescribed me with lower dosage of Puregon, Humog and to start with Orgalutron.

Gosh!

Dr. T expect my OOC / OPU to be schedule next Wednesday but that is all depend on my next TVS which is yesterday (Monday).

So headed back to KL Fert yesterday.
Appointment suppose at 1130 am but I arrived around 11 am.

Met Puan Stroberi there and I was shocked at first coz someone called up my name there!
Nice meeting you though it is just a quick one and good luck on your IUI tomorrow!

This time didn't wait for too long, at around 1115 am my name was called.

Again, straight away to TVS.

Same numbers of follicles = 8 but only 2 in 18mm sizes. 2 at around 13mm. 1 at 15mm and 3 around 11mm.

Dr. T decided to postpone the OPU to next Friday.
Sedih sekejap sbb Rabu tu hari Wukuf kot. Hari doa mustajab.
Lagi sedih bila hari Jumaat tu Dr. T takde to do the procedure.
It will be replace with Dr. Helena.

So Dr. T asked me to continue with Puregon (lower dosage), Humog and Orgalutron till tonite.
Tomorrow I need to do another TVS.

If OPU on Friday, then my transfer will likely be on next Monday (3 days transfer) or Wednesday (5 days transfer).

May Allah ease my journey. Aamiin.


Cost CD 6 - RM 5,000 (2nd payment)
Cost CD 9 - RM 575.60 (for extra Puregon and Humog which is not in the package for day 9/10)

Total - RM 5,575.60

Total paid so far for ICSI treatment and not including my passed appointments before stimulation starts = RM 11,065,60.

#13 Road to ICSI - The REAL journey has started..

Oh yes!
Got my CD 1 on last Sunday 13 Sept 2015. Afternoon pulak tu.
So can't call KL Fert as it is close on Sunday.
Gotta try my luck to make the appointment the next day.

Malam tu jenuh lah berdoa mintak Allah permudahkan semuanya.
Mintak jgk dpt buat appointment on CD 2.

So on Monday morning tu pukul 8.15 am (klinik bukak pukul 8 am), Iols gigih lah call KL Fert.
Told them I got my CD 1 semlm and want to have appt dgn Dr. hari ni (14 Sept).
Knowing that Dr. T hari Isnin petang selalunya dia dekat Pusrawi, berpeluh jugaklah rasanya bila nurse suruh tunggu for her to check.

"Ok, you can come at 1115 am today!"

Alhamdulillah.. Allah dah mudahkan the 1st step.

So siap cepat2, terus ke KL fert.
Arrived dlm pukul 11 am camtu. Boleh tahan ramai jugak orang hari ni.
Waited till 12 pm baru dapat jumpa Dr. T.

She checked on my sugar level record and she was happy about that.
Continued with the TVS.
Lagi sekali rasa jantung nak roboh.

Right ovary - 4 to 5 follicles seen.
Left ovary - 4 follicles seen.

In total around 9 follicles!

Ya Allah, tak tau nak ckp apa.. sbb Dr. T mmg happy sgt and she gave me a real big and sweetest smile.
And then she said, "Ok, you can start your injection today. Kejap lagi pergi buat test LH and FSH. Also I need your HAC1 (Hemoglobin if im not wrong) and Vit D as well."

I gave her 1 big smile and honestly I felt relieved!
After all the hurdles since we started seeing her on last March, and finally my body is totally ready for it!

Alhamdulillah, Allah memang permudahkan segala urusan I hari tu.

So went out, gave them my blood, went for lunch with DH dekat Menara UOA tu.

At around 2 pm, nurse Nabilah pon panggil with the blood test result and of course all my medications!

Alhamdulillah my LH and FSH seems normal so I was prescribed with a very minimum medications till CD 5 whereby on CD 6 (tomorrow) I need to come back and see Dr. T again.

I was given 3 box of Puregon 400 unit with 1 Humog.

The first shot of Puregon was given at the clinic masa proses pembelajaran cucuk2.

DH is definitely going to do all of it.

Nurse Nabilah also brief us on what to do next until CD 6.

Cost - RM 5K (IVF pakej including medication, consultation, LH and FSH test)

           RM 330 (Vit D blood test)

           RM 160 (HAC1 blood test)

Total RM 5490.00

#12 Road to ICSI - Less than a month!

Sedar tak sedar kan tinggal kurang dari sebulan je lagi for my ICSI.
Ikut kata Dr. T mmg September lah dia nak proceed.
Tapi tak tau la by that time my body is ready 100% or not for it.

In Shaa Allah.
Let's hope for the best.

My feelings?

Ntah.

Roller coaster of emotions.

Kejap rasa I'm fine. Kejap datang angin puting beliung.
Kejap nanges. Kejap gelak.

In terms of preparation, I ikut je apa ubat dan supplements yg Doktor suruh.
Then tried to control my food intake walau terkadang terbabas jgk.

Morning breakfast dgn Oat. 3 in 1.
Ada yg advise makan raw oat but I dah berjaya makan oat hari2 ni pon rasa dah bersyukur sgt.
Lunch tgk apa sempat. If masuk office, I ate soupy2 noodles.
Still better than nasi. Avoid as much oily food as possible.
Dinner pon either makan oat or avoiding nasi lagi.
Kat rumah, beras I beli yg organic Faiza for diabetes tu.
Paksa DH makan jgk. Tapi like once a week je kot makan nasi.

Then saya workout depan TV dgn stability balls.
30 minutes daily.
So berjaya lah turun around 1.7kgs in 10 days.
Syukur nikmat sgt dah tu.

Pastu ari tu I unfollowed semua IG retis2 dan online handbag seller.
Negative vibes to me sbb manjang stress je tgk handbag lawa2.

Bahaha.


And I changed my way of posting pictures dekat IG jgk.
Byk letak doa and positive quotes.
Biar lapang sikit hati baca.


Rohani wise, I amalkan zikir2 :
Ya Khaliq, Ya Bari', Ya Musawwir, Ya Razzaq, Ya Fatah, Ya Karim, Ya Allah.
100 times each.

Besides all the normal routine solat and solat sunat.
Setiap masa berdoa pada Allah supaya mudahkan perjalanan saya ini.

Itu je la kot for now.

Hari Raya = Berat Naik

Yes. Lupa diri.
Bila timbang tgk naik 1.5kg.

Merempan sekejap.
For the past 1 week dok berkampung rumah Father in law sbb adik ipaq nak kawen.
Dok bantai nasi for dinner.
So not good!

Hasilnya naik 1.5kgs.

Pastu meroyan.
Insaf bagai.

Tapi tetap dok melantak.

So cepat2 bukak Lazada cari apa yang boleh beli utk buat home workout.

Nak beli PS4 Motion Controller tp kang pk mesti berebut PS 4 tu dgn DH.

Then ternampak la menatang ni

Niat di hati nak beli tapi tak beli2 lagi sbb tgh gigih baca review. 

Sbb nak beli is bcoz dia kecik.

If tak terpakai, ley campak masuk store room.

Bahahaha.

Budget sambil laki main PS4 boleh lah Iols berworkout.

Or maybe sambil tgk TV.

Kot nak skipping nanti kang ada org bawah naik atas mengamuk.

Agak2 ley berjaya tak? 

#8 Road to ICSI - Laparoscopy experience

My laparoscopy procedure is scheduled on the 7th of May 2015.
Best bukan on the 5th May tu pegi jumpa Dr. KB NG then 7th May terus buat laps?
Padahal masa sebelum jumpa tu bila diskas dgn DH, tak nak operate lagi sbb dah tak sanggup nak belah perut and wanted to try acupuncture.
Tapi tak tau lah mana datang kekuatan utk lalui semua tu dgn cepat dan tenang.

By right Dr. KB Ng tak advise pon buat laps at first sebab my fibroid is not attached to the uterus pon tp bila dia buat TVS, he can see why Dr. Tasha refer me to him.
The fibroid is actually pushing the pathway utk letak embrio tu nnt and the other one is actually pushing my right ovary slightly higher so Dr. Tasha takut when OPU nnt susah nak amik eggs.

We asked Dr. Ng on the estimation cost for the procedure. He estimated around RM 9k ++.
Y asked?

Because my insurance tak cover dah anything related to FIBROIDS!

Semua sbb Iols yg terlebih bijak pandai pegi upgrade policy lepas buat operation fibroid dulu tu.
Dang!
Lps buat segala kira2.. we decided to continue jugak.
DH ckp, duit boleh cari and my health is more important then anything else.


So on the 7th May, 10am I pon checked in kat Tung Shin Hospital.
Disuruh start posa dr kol 8 am and my laps was scheduled at 3 pm.

Before the procedure, they took my blood and did the sugar level test.
And my sugar level was high! Like 12.
But I was lucky it went down before the procedure to 8.

This is the moment before the nurse pushed me to the operation theater.

So as I remembered masa kat dlm OT tu dah pukul 3.25 pm.
Dr bius dtg and did the bius and within 5 minutes kot I terus passed out.
Sedar2 dah kat bilik balik with my hubby, mom, sis, bro in law and my 2 nieces including my bestfriend Abu ada.

And they told me the Laps took 5 hours!!
830 pm baru I kuar ya!
Padahal Dr Ng ckp patutnya 1 jam je!

Overall Dr Ng tebuk 4 lubang semuanya.
Took out 2 fibroids size 3 cm and 8 cm.
Yg membuat lama tu sebab dia kena betulkan adhesions sisa2 bekas operate yg lama tu.
Then letak my right ovary kat tempat yg sepatutnya.
Alhamdulillah both my tubes are not blocked.
Dan yg paling gembira bila Dr. Ng tunjuk my rahim yg dalam keadaan yg elok with no endo and Dr ckp I can deliver normal if I preggy nnt.
This time fibroid langsung tak kena rahim so Dr. tak usik la rahim tu.

The next day, I dah boleh bangun g toilet so Dr bagi I discharged.
I xde la nak berpantang sgt but my mom beria2..
Ari2 dia masak lauk sup !
After 2 weeks I dah pon keluar g mall.
Bahaha.

MC pon Dr bg 2 weeks je.

Ni dah 2 weeks masuk office baru terhegeh2 nak update.

Till then!

Total bill : RM 12K++

#6 Road to ICSI - Laparoscopy

Hello.

Lupa nak update lps jumpa Dr. Natasha last week on my CD 2.
Tah macamana boleh awal sehari pulak cycle bulan ni and my CD 1 falls on Sunday!
Camne nak buat appointment dengan clinic yang tutup?

So I pon gigih pepagi tu email Dr. Tasha and told her that I got my period that day and I need to see her on the next day.
I think lepas 2 hours kot Dr Tasha replied my mail and she said just come the next day at 10-11 am dekat KL Fert.

Pepagi Monday tu dah terpacak kat KL Fert and dpt turn no 2.
Masa tu tak ramai orang lagi and by 1030am dah dpt jumpa Dr.

As usual start with TVS.
Dr found 4 on my left ovary and on my right got 2 follicles itupon selepas Dr struggle to find my right ovary.
It has been blocked or maybe pushed slightly up due to my fibroid (s).

She asked for USG pulak but I was not full bladder.
Tapi try la jugak.
Yang nampak fibroid itupon tak jelas.

Dr asked me to go and have a drink bagi penuh bladder and come back after 45 minutes.
Dah puas minum, masuk la lagi sekali.
Still sama jugak. Right ovary tetap tak nampak.

And again, Dr suruh tambah lagi minum.
Mek masa tu dah nak terkencing sgt kot!

Waited for another 30 minutes before masuk lagi sekali.
And again, Dr buat USG.
Still, my right ovary tak nampak but fibroid is clearly seen 2.5cm X 2 cm in size.
So Dr advise not to proceed with IVF sebab dia takut fibroid tu akan mengganggu process embrio transfer nnt eventhough the fibroid is not in the uterus tp location dia memang tgh2 rahim tu.
She advised me to go for laparoscopy and referred me to Dr. Ng Kwee Boon at Tung Shin Hospital.
King of Laparoscopy katanya.

Ya Allah, masa tu Tuhan aje tau apa I rasa.
My heart broke into pieces knowing that I have to postpone my IVF bila I rasa I dah cukup bersedia utk itu.

Keluar je dr bilik Dr. Tasha, we both went for a quick lunch sbb I mmg lapar tp masa tunggu food smp memang menangis la I kat restaurant yg penuh orang tu.
Ado aku kesah?

As usual, DH mmg tenang. He comfort me by saying, my health is way more important to him rather than having a child right now.
Dia nak I pegi jumpa Dr. KB Ng tu jgk (which is today).

After 1 week thinking, I decided utk gagahkan jugak diri pegi jumpa Dr. KB Ng.

So tadi ke Tung Shin la I with DH.
Around 1030 am dpt jumpa Dr. 1st patient.

1st, Dr KB did USG.
Obviously mmg ada la fibroid tu. 2 biji tapi kecik.
Dr ckp by right the fibroid tak mengganggu rahim pon and shouldn't be a problem utk IVF tapi Dr. KB ckp jugak if pregnant, masa tu nanti ada masalah.
Dia pon tertanya jugak kenapa Dr. Tasha tulis dlm referral letter to that she worried there is a problem during the Embrio Transfer.
So Dr. KB asked to do a TVS.

Nah.. kat sini baru nampak clear kenapa Dr. Tasha mintak remove the fibroid.
I have 1 fibroid yg menghimpit laluan sperm ke rahim tu.
Size 3.5 cm x 3 cm kot.

Terus la Dr. ckp better laparoscopy when all the size is still small.
I asked when?
He said, the soonest this Thursday!
I pandang DH, DH looked at me.
Then DH asked, how long to recover.. Dr ckp seminggu dah ok dah.
Dok spital pon 1 nite je.

How much is the cost?
RM 9 K++.

Again kami berpandangan. Told the Dr that my insurance does not cover anything related to fibroid after I had my surgery last time.

After few minutes of thinking, DH ckp buat je lah Khamis ni.

We also asked, after laps, when can we proceed with the IVF and Dr. KB said after 2 mths time.
But I can try naturally within that time.

Laparoscopy it is.

This time, I don't cry.
Strong me.

Please pray for me ya!
Semoga Allah permudahkan semua ini...

Nanti I update lagi lps Laps ya.

Total cost with Dr. Natasha - RM 180
Total cost with Dr. KB Ng - RM 243

#3 Road to ICSI - CD 13 - 2nd Appointment with Dr. Tasha

I'm not too sure whether to be happy or to be sad.

So my 2nd appointment with Dr. Tasha was on last Saturday at KL Fertility Centre.
Arrived at 9 am.
Registered and waited for DH to do his thing, the Semen Analysis.
Still not many patient.

By 940 am, DH is done with his thing.
Kental masuk sesorang mamat tu.
Maybe because this is his 5th times of doing so.

My appointment is at 11 am so lepas send sample, we both walked across KL Fertility and looked for Subway for a quick breakkie.

By 1030 am naik balik KL Fertility and tetiba penuh and sesak sgt ruang menunggu tu!!
Berbilang kaum ada. Malays, Indian, Chinese and few mat saleh.
This make me realized that ramai lagi kat luar sana senasib..

Waited till 1140 am then baru dpt jumpa Dr.
First Dr explained the results of DH SA.
Nothing much different though.
He still had the abnormal shape problem so ICSI is definitely for us both.

Its time for my TVS.

Bismillah...

On my left side, Dr can see about 5 follicles.
Fibroid is still seen but she said its still quite far from the pathway.
So she really hope that it wont disturb during the procedure nanti.
Pusing punya pusing, the right one is no where to be seen.

Oh my!

Then she decided to use the USG.
Alamak!
My bladder is not full pulak tu.
So mmg tak nampak my right ovary.

Great just great.

I tak tau nak rasa happy ke sedih time ni.
Dr Tasha tried to cheer a bit by saying it is good progress since I only took supplements for a week and my number of eggs increased from 1 to 5.

So she asked us when we want to proceed with the procedure.
Without hesitation, both of us answered, anytime.

Dr decided to re-access on my next cycle and if it is good to go, she will proceed next cycle, else I have to wait until after raya.

Let's hope for the best ya!

Meanwhile, dok tgh berkira2 nak carik sofabed baru.
Imagining my life bed resting for 2/3 weeks dalam bilik je nanti, I can't do that.
So sofabed letak kat living hall so that I could watch TV on a bigger screen than the room would be much better.
DH ckp I kekwat.

Gila tak?

#2 Road to ICSI - Bersediakah aku?

1. Persediaan Kesihatan

Esok, hari untuk Dr. Natasha re-access my condition.
She'll be worried if my number of follicles is not helping me.

Setiap hari, I've tried not to show DH on how I felt inside.
How scared I am if there's only 2 or 3 follicles inside me.
The most I had was 5 follicles during my IUI last year and that is with the help of Clomid.

Berat badan pon sekarang ni dah byk turun since my last IUI.
I lost 14kgs in total and now tinggal lagi 8kg nak kena kurangkan for the right BMI.

I've started to follow Dr. Tasha advise to take supplements like Asid Folic, Fish Oil, Co10 and Multivitamins.

So let's hope for the best in me!

2. Persediaan Mental

I am now 50-50.
Sometimes, I'm being positive but at times, I do afraid if it fails.
Whether I could accept the heart breaks.

Roller coaster of emotions.

But, DH has always been supportive.
Walaupon selalu kena hadap my mood swing.
Dia relax and cool je.
Even skang ni I tau sesgt yg dia pening kepala since the "BELOVED" government buat system minyak floating ni.
Itu pon belum tambah dgn problem staff dia yg hari2 dgn mcm2 kerenah.
I mmg tak kan amik tau pesal hal station dgn dia.
He still will do his best to take care of my feelings.
Walaupon kdg2 sakit hati jugak bila I je yg kena cari info for the fertility treatment ni and dia ley relax main game, but at the end DH ni mmg jenis YES je.
Dia ikut je apa I decide.
I think most of the guys mmg macam ni kan perangai dia.
Still rasa grateful jugak sbb dia nak jgk lah ikut kan and he will of course accompany me to every single appointment with the doctors.

Not forgetting the support that I get from my closest friends and my TTCians friends.
I read all the TTCians blogs yg dah pernah buat IVF/ICSI.
Some succeed in their 1st attempt. Some not.
So semua tuh buat I rasa confident with the decision to try the procedure.

To add to it, now I selalu dengar kat youtube / mp3 all the surah-surah dan doa utk mendapatkan zuriat instead of listening to my favorite songs.
I felt more calm of doing so.

Last week kan our 6th anniversary, since we already been doing readings on IVF/ICSI before I start with the treatment, we've both decided tema hadiah anniversary kali ni is US.
Meaning, kena beli hadiah utk 2-2 boleh guna.

Dis is what I gave him.

Dis is what he gave me.

Beli ni dgn harapan nanti kalau 2ww I tak ler sangap baring saje.
But main game sebenarnya dgn DH sebenarnya lagi stress.
So we shall see how nanti ya.

3. Persediaan Kewangan

Alhamdulillah, for the past few years after I got back from Jakarta, rezeki memang tak putus2 for both of us.
Masa buat decision to come back and work in KL, hati tu terasa jugak whether I could live as it is sbb duit oversea allowance dah tak de kan.
Sebelum ni masa dok kat Jakarta, I tak bawak pon my salary nye bank card ke sana.
DH simpankan. Online banking pon I deactivated.
Survived mmg dgn duit allowance je.

So just imagine bila balik keja kat sini, I lost like half of my income.
Tapi itulah, the more I spent on the fertility treatment, the more I get back.

Besides that, jangan kedekut dgn ur parents!
In my case, I have a mom only.

Tiap2 minggu bawak dia pegi makan kat tempat dia terasa nak makan.
If dia nak baju, I belikan dia baju or apa saja lah..
Kadang2 terdetik jugak "Bulan ni nye saving berkuranglah nmpknya" tp Alhamdulillah tak berlaku.
Mesti I akan dpt je side income dari memana and selalunya lebih dr apa yg I spent kat my mom.

Pastu bersedekah lah.
Give to those who in need.
RM 1 pon tak pe.
In my case, kalau g lepak kedai mamak tu, kalau tetiba org dtg mintak sedekah, mmg I tak bagi.
I tak percaya semua tu sbb byk case kan semua tu sindiket and they have physical ability utk buat kerja lain.
Kadang2 I siap suruh DH offer kerja kat station dia kalau dia tak buta lah.
What I do, time bukak FB tu, kalau ternampak org2 yg share post minta bantuan utk kos rawatan apa2 especially utk babies and toddlers, I will do online transfer direct.
Better that way. If kena tipu pon, itu between dia dgn Allah.
In Shaa Allah Tuhan akan give back to us the money that we spent berganda2.

So kalau untuk kos rawatan IVF/ICSI ni , In Shaa Allah we both are prepared.

4. Persediaan Cuti

Another great news, my CEO has approved my leave whenever I need it for the treatment.
But of course with condition.
Dia punya condition is simple, make sure I can be contacted at any time.

So memang bawak laptop ke mana saja la jawabnya lepas ni.


So what else?

1st Appt with Dr. Natasha Ain

Ok semlm pegi ke Hospital Pusrawi for the 1st appointment dgn Dr. Tasha.
Instead of taking half day EL, I got half day MC sebab batuk teruk and tonsil bengkak.
So sampai kt Pusrawi mmg awal sejam dr scheduled 230pm.

Buat registration then dpt no.
1st patient.
Tp nurse dah bgtau awal2 yg dr maybe lambat sbb ada case.
So waited till 345pm baru dpt jumpa dr Tasha ni.

Oh em gee!
She is beautiful as well!
And soft too.
Lebih kurang sama macam Dr Adilah tp Dr Adilah cam tegas sikit and Dr. Tasha ni lebih lembut lagi bila bercakap.

So start la explain and showed her our previous report.
Her direct conclusion,

Her reason, we've tried IUI before and it has been 6 years and we are both 35 this year.
Why wait?

Somemore, DH got problem as well.
To make it even worse, when she did the TVS scan, my fibroid is still there but alhamdulillah the size has been reduced from 5 cm (last IUI) and now 2.5cm.
And the position of the fibroid pon tak mengganggu ovary.
Also another problem of mine is, the number of follicles.
Semalam dpt tgk 1 je on left side, yg belah kanan tak nampak apa pun.

If I have problems with my number of follicles, makin panjang la citer TTC iols nampaknya.
She prescribed me with supplements to increase the follicles number.
Next appointment will be next Saturday.

What she told me to consume :

1. Multivitamins
2. Fish oil any brand
3. Coenzyme Q10 any brand.
4. Asid folic

IVF cost under Dr Tasha is around RM 14-15K.

Now, am I ready to go for IVF this cycle?

Keliru.

Yes lately byk fikir.

Tak tau bila nak start treatment balik.
Kejap igt March, but when the time comes, time tu la sibuk dgn business Maq & Rock iols.

Susah betul lah!

Then 1 hal lagi, rasa macam nak proceed with IVF terus pon  ada jgk ni instead of trying out IUI for the 2nd time.
Sbb terasa macam malas nak buat masa ke sana ke sini lagi.
So nak terus hadap je.
But DH pulak macam nak slow and steady.

Anyway, hari ni CD2.
Pagi tadi called Dr Adilah and at the same time bukak website Hospital Pusrawi.
Nurse baru Dr Adilah, Salina takde plak.
Yg pick up call kata nnt dia sampai kan pesan.

Then masa browse website Pusrawi tu, I came across these ads :

Menarik kan?

Secepat kilat Iols call.

And I managed to secure an appointment at 230 pm tomorrow!

Dapat lak Dr. Natasha Ain.

Sapa Dr. Natasha ? 

Sila gugel.

As long as dpt Dr perempuan, I am good to go.

Walaupon nak kena start semua all over again.

And bernasib baik jugak buat appointment terus tadi sbb Salina return my call and told me Dr Adilah besok ada case at 3 pm. 

Pagi appointment penuh.

So it's a sign for me to start dgn Dr yg baru kot? 

We'll see how.

Dr. Natasha ni same clinic dgn Dr. Prashant at KL Fertility Centre besides Pusrawi. 

Dekat Pusrawi, Dr. Natasha ni just ada ari Isnin and Rabu.

Speaking of Dr. Prashant, my 2nd boss, is his IVF patient. 

And my 2nd boss tu baru je dpt baby like, yesterday! 

His 3rd IVF but 1st with Dr. Prashant and terus success after 7 years menunggu.

My 2nd boss tu pon ari tu ada bagi I kad Dr. Prashant tu tp Iols masih berkira2 nak pegi sbb Dr. laki kan.. 

Esok ni pon Iols amik half day EL je. 

Yang ni Iols dah pk masak2, boss mana yg marah Iols pesal dok amik coti semedang ni mmg akan dihamput balik la jawabnya. 

And normally yang selalu bising I dok coti ni ialah my CFO while I am reporting directly to my CEO.

CEO Iols ok je as long as I still reply his emails and the work is done anywhere and anytime he needs.

So besok, Iols berdoa sesgt everything will be good. 

If Dr. suruh Iols proceed dgn IVF pon Iols will terima dgn redha.

Anyway, our 6th anniversary is coming this 3rd April. 

So far tak de pon pk nak celebrate dekat mana since ari tu dah ada advanced anniversary trip ke Abu Dhabi - Dubai.

But ada pressie lah dr Iols kat DH.

Dr DH ke iols belum tau apa dia lagi.

Iols mintak handbag tapi macam biasa takkan la dapatnya... 

So kita tgk nanti apakah dia.

Proxeed Plus

Last mth, DH went for another sperm test.
Bought the voucher from Groupon.
Buat dekat Damai Service Hospital.

Alhamdulillah, even still under low count punya category, but it improved from the last time we did the test.
I forced him to take Shaklee Zinc.

But, as usual, we want more.
So google here and there.
Asked some other TTCians in my WA group.

We decided to buy Proxeed Plus.

A bit expensive though but got a lot of good feedback.

So went to Klinik Medina dekat Tmn Melati.
Bought a box of it.
Last for 15 days at a cost of RM 180.

Minum pagi seblom breakfast - 1 sachet
Minum petang sebelom dinner - 1 sachet.

Mixed it with cold water.

Tgk lah lps raya nnt nak repeat test balik.

Berurut.

Since my first IUI failed, we both decided to rest from medical treatment for awhile.
And we both started to source for the traditional help.

Ingat lagi post Perubatan Tradisional ?
Ok I tak penah sambung apa yg terjadi mlm tu.

So we went to Sg Buaya, Rawang.
Jumpa dgn dis 1 pakcik.

Dia suruh I baca Al -Fatihah byk2 sebelum dia start buat scanning kat my body.
When he did, to my surprise, dia ckp I ada saka!!
Uwaa Takut!

But bukan saka yg jenis turun temurun tu la..
Saka hinggap ke hapa dia ckp.. Lupa dah.

Terus dia suruh I buat solat taubat and solat hajat mintak diputuskan saka tu.
Pas solat, dia sambung lagi scanning.
He even described pesal fibroid I.

Pastu dia bg I serai yg diracik halus campur dgn limau nipis.
Campurkan benda tu dlm baldi air then mandi masa kat rumah katanya.

Pakcik tu ckp, In Shaa Allah lps ni takde dah gangguan.
So I tak yah datang lagi but if nak dtg jgk takpe.

So mek confius la jgn antara nak percaya atau tidak.
But sekurang2nya I usaha la jgk kan.
Kang percaya abis, jatuh syirik pulak.

Pakcik tu suruh I bykkan membaca Al-Fatihah..

Ok setel bab tu.

Sambung bab kedua.

My mom beria mencari mak cik urut.
So happens to be ada lah sedara dekat jgk yg boleh mengurut peranakan ni.
My mom arranged utk makcik tu datang tido rumah I so that can berurut 3 mlm berturut-turut.

Sumpah, semua org tau I takut nak urut2 ni.
Even kalau gi spa pon I suruh masseur tu urut pelan2.

So smlm start la I berurut ni.
Hamik ko!

1 condo ley dgr kot suara merdu I ni menjerit.
Nak tak nak, I amik towel kecik and gigit je.

Itu pon belum sengkak lagi.
Byk angin and byk urat tersimpul kata makcik tu.
Sampai terkentut2 and sedawa2 lah I dibuatnya.

Nasib urut tu sejam je. Kalau lebih?
Gempa la Selayang tu jawabnya.

Tp Alhamdulillah la lepas tu mmg rasa ringan je badan I.
Mlm ni akan teruskan usaha lagi.

Ayoyoyoyo!

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, permudahkan lah segala urusan ku Ya Allah.

Perubatan Tradisional.

Setelah hampir 5 tahun berTTC, for the very first time, setelah beberapa doctor, beberapa hospital, baik dr KL mahupon Jakarta...


Setelah kegagalan IUI, setelah decide nak rest sekejap this month,


Tonite, In Shaa Allah saya akan cuba cara tradisional pulak.


Nak pegi jumpa this one Ustaz dekat area Rawang sana.
Nk tgk kot-kot ada gangguan yg tidak diingini.

Ekceli yg beria2 nak tolong I ni is my X staff.
Dia dok selalu berubat dgn ustaz ni.
So dia suggest ikut dia.

After the hard thinking (more to afraid sebenarnya), I've decided to agree to join her.
Mana tau there is something beyond our control kan..


Semoga Allah permudahkan segala-galanya.

Weird, again.

Kan 2 days ago I thought my AF is coming tp dia macam pelik lah.

Started off with a very brownish spotting.
Then later at nite, darah kuar.
But no clots.

Day 2, mmg kluar darah.
This time byk but not as much as my normal flow.
Tak de melimpah ruah smp nak kena tukar 5-6 pad sehari.
Malam tidur pon tak melimpah.

Day 3, dah start sikit flow dia.
Malam just keluar 2,3 spot.

And that's it.

Buat UPT tp BFN.

I am scared now sbb masa preggy dulu pon period keluar camni jgk.

Isk.

Crash, boom, bang!

Macamana tajuk post, macam tu lah hati saya waktu received the blood test results.
Need I elaborate more?

It's BFN!

Sedih?
Yes. But kali ini lebih kuat.
I cried for only few minutes in the car.

Bila dipujuk oleh DH, I managed to set myself calm.
We had our discussion.
DH wants us to give a break before proceed with the 2nd IUI.
So this cycle break jap and continue March.

DH wanted us to improve on our weaknesses the other day.
Me to reduce the fibroid size and DH to improve his sperm counts.

Kendian DH pancing pulak to go for retail therapy.











And we bought this!

After dekat 10 tahun tak tukar katil.
Dr zaman sebelum kawin.
Time kawin pon beli katil baru utk letak rumah my in laws je.

So who knows can, dgn aura katil baru, we manage to conceive naturally lagi ke..
In Shaa Allah.

Semlm masuk kerja pon saya kuat.
And later in the evening ada spotting.

AF is on its way.

Today, AF muncul.

Bohong kalau ai cakap ai tak sedey..
But I have prepared myself, kalau tak jadi this time, I will redha and will keep on trying.
I have to be positive at all time.
I tak nak stress as stress pon boleh membantu fibroid utk membesar dgn jayanya.

Besides berdoa, ai do alot of readings.
Read psl rakan2 TTCians yg dah berjaya mendapatkan zuriat.
What they do, what they eat.. semua lah.
Mana yg i mampu, i ikut.

At least I know when it turns out BFN, i know that I have gave my best shot in trying rather then not trying at all.

Till then..

Thanks to my TTCians friends and friends in Whatsapp, IG, blog, FB yg telah mendoakan saya.
Saya pon berdoa agar semua yg senasib dgn saya dibagi peluang utk mendapatkan zuriat mereka jugak..

In shaa Allah...


BHCG test = RM 91.

11dpIUI

Lagi 4 hari akan buat blood test.

Let me story kat u ols apa jadi hari IUI tu.
This is going to be a very long entry.

On 12th Feb 2014, my IUI is scheduled at 1030 am.
Hubs need to ejaculate by 830 am.
Arrived PHKL at 815 am, rushed to BLock C the IVF lab to give the sperm.

Settle urusan tu dlm kol 845 am.

Went off for breakfast.

By 930 am, I cannot pee already sbb 1030 am kena make sure I am fully bladder.

Today tak ramai sgt patient pon.

Sbb ramai Dr. Cina yg dah start cuti CNY.

So 1030 am, my name is called to see the Dr.

Bismillah....

First of all, Dr told us that his count was not so good but still can proceed with IUI since she had experienced with lower count than his succeeded before. 

Although a bit down, am still glad it can still be proceed.

So Dr told me to lie down on the bed and bend the knees.

Relax, she said.

So she put out all the necessary utensils with the help of her assistant, Ida.

Then slowly and gently she put the speculum into my V.

This is how the speculum looks like.

At first she puts in the smaller size but unfortunately my uterus cant be open with that size. 

The fibroid is pushing so it is not opening.

Amik ko.

Dr. said that she need to changed the speculum to a larger size.

Rasakan.

Waited for about 5 minutes jugak lah sbb Ida nak kena cari that speculum.

So continue again.

This time Alhamdulillah, terbukak uterus tu selepas Dr cubit sket.

Terjerit jap I masa ni sbb sakit.

Penderitaan I tak habis di situ.

Lepas speculum dah lepas, Dr need to insert the catheter lak.

This is how the catheter looks like.

Memula Dr masukkan yg 1st one tu. The rubber one.

Tak ley masuk.

Then tukar to 2nd one, slightly tough rubber.

Tak ley jugak masuk.

Then changed to the 3rd catheter, a tougher rubber.

Gagal jugak.

Masuk no 4, pon sama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then she said, I'm going to insert the STAGE 4 catheter.

If failed, we can't proceed.

The final catheter is the one made from STEEL.

Ya besi!!!!!!!!!

But besi lembut lah.

Dgn lafaz Bismillah...

It works!!!!

Berjaya dimasukkan terus ke my uterus.

Then she quickly bukak the USG machine and asked me to hold and tgk masa dia masukkan sperm tu directly to my uterus. 

I was about to tears masa ni.

If you are not sure how the process is, here is the video.

Lepas settle semua tu, Dr. suruh I baring for about 10 minutes.

Then dia started to brief me on the medication.

I was asked to bed rest till 6dp IUI.

Kurangkan berjalan kata dia.

She prescribed me with Duphaston and Utragestan to be taken till 15dpIUI.

And she scheduled me for a blood test this 14th Feb.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah semua sepertimana Engkau permudahkan perjalanan sebelum ini...

Total bills for Ovidrel + IUI + Duphaston + Utrogestan + Consultation = RM 2004.30.

Cost may be variance to others specially in my case, a large speculum and 5 types of catheter has been used.

Skang debaran terasa. 

Went to work today after 12 days on leave. 

Eggs checking CD 11

Nurse Ida baru called.
Kena tukar appointment date instead of this Thursday ke besok!

And I'm super scared now.

Semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya lagi kali ini...