#11 Road to ICSI - Check up again

Selamat Hari Raya to all my fellow friends!
Maaf zahir batin andai ada nukilan dalam blog ini mengguris hati dan perasaan uols.

Anyway, as expected, my CD 1 falls on 2nd Syawal.
I need to check on my follicles this month.
Emailed Dr. T, she replied, I can either see Dr. Helena or wait till she comes back on my CD 6.

Since I am so comfortable with my Dr. T, I waited for her to come back.

So on last Thursday, I went to see her.
Alhamdulillah found 6 follicles on my left ovary and 4 on the right ovary.
That makes is 10 and the most I've had so far!

Dr. T is happy about that. So now mmg tunggu my sugar level turun till 6 - 6.5 which now current reading is around 7.

Dr. T confirming that my ICSI will be this September but if next month my sugar is good, I can just proceed but we both mintak jgk September since this August me and DH will be busy with his sister's wedding.

Biar lah settle semua tu dulu.

Besides checking on the follicles, I kena jgk amik darah utk check my Vit D together with Hep B, C and HIV test.

Result yg tu tak dpt lagi.

So total for today is : RM 750.
Cost utk Vit D test itself dah RM 320.

The next day tu, DH ckp kat I, abis je wedding adik dia nnt before the ICSI, dia ajak Iols g holiday.
I ajak ler ke Penang tp dia ckp jom Phuket! (again!)
Sayang DH ketat-ketat!

Sah lah Phuket ni jadi yearly vaccay spot.

So arini I kena lah gigih check hotel and ticket semua!
Bila check date yang dipilih tu most likely on O day!
Last year pegi pon time O jgk tapi takde rezeki.
Kita tgk dis year lak eh!

Meh lanje selfie sket! Eh!!

#2 Road to ICSI - Bersediakah aku?

1. Persediaan Kesihatan

Esok, hari untuk Dr. Natasha re-access my condition.
She'll be worried if my number of follicles is not helping me.

Setiap hari, I've tried not to show DH on how I felt inside.
How scared I am if there's only 2 or 3 follicles inside me.
The most I had was 5 follicles during my IUI last year and that is with the help of Clomid.

Berat badan pon sekarang ni dah byk turun since my last IUI.
I lost 14kgs in total and now tinggal lagi 8kg nak kena kurangkan for the right BMI.

I've started to follow Dr. Tasha advise to take supplements like Asid Folic, Fish Oil, Co10 and Multivitamins.

So let's hope for the best in me!

2. Persediaan Mental

I am now 50-50.
Sometimes, I'm being positive but at times, I do afraid if it fails.
Whether I could accept the heart breaks.

Roller coaster of emotions.

But, DH has always been supportive.
Walaupon selalu kena hadap my mood swing.
Dia relax and cool je.
Even skang ni I tau sesgt yg dia pening kepala since the "BELOVED" government buat system minyak floating ni.
Itu pon belum tambah dgn problem staff dia yg hari2 dgn mcm2 kerenah.
I mmg tak kan amik tau pesal hal station dgn dia.
He still will do his best to take care of my feelings.
Walaupon kdg2 sakit hati jugak bila I je yg kena cari info for the fertility treatment ni and dia ley relax main game, but at the end DH ni mmg jenis YES je.
Dia ikut je apa I decide.
I think most of the guys mmg macam ni kan perangai dia.
Still rasa grateful jugak sbb dia nak jgk lah ikut kan and he will of course accompany me to every single appointment with the doctors.

Not forgetting the support that I get from my closest friends and my TTCians friends.
I read all the TTCians blogs yg dah pernah buat IVF/ICSI.
Some succeed in their 1st attempt. Some not.
So semua tuh buat I rasa confident with the decision to try the procedure.

To add to it, now I selalu dengar kat youtube / mp3 all the surah-surah dan doa utk mendapatkan zuriat instead of listening to my favorite songs.
I felt more calm of doing so.

Last week kan our 6th anniversary, since we already been doing readings on IVF/ICSI before I start with the treatment, we've both decided tema hadiah anniversary kali ni is US.
Meaning, kena beli hadiah utk 2-2 boleh guna.

Dis is what I gave him.

Dis is what he gave me.

Beli ni dgn harapan nanti kalau 2ww I tak ler sangap baring saje.
But main game sebenarnya dgn DH sebenarnya lagi stress.
So we shall see how nanti ya.

3. Persediaan Kewangan

Alhamdulillah, for the past few years after I got back from Jakarta, rezeki memang tak putus2 for both of us.
Masa buat decision to come back and work in KL, hati tu terasa jugak whether I could live as it is sbb duit oversea allowance dah tak de kan.
Sebelum ni masa dok kat Jakarta, I tak bawak pon my salary nye bank card ke sana.
DH simpankan. Online banking pon I deactivated.
Survived mmg dgn duit allowance je.

So just imagine bila balik keja kat sini, I lost like half of my income.
Tapi itulah, the more I spent on the fertility treatment, the more I get back.

Besides that, jangan kedekut dgn ur parents!
In my case, I have a mom only.

Tiap2 minggu bawak dia pegi makan kat tempat dia terasa nak makan.
If dia nak baju, I belikan dia baju or apa saja lah..
Kadang2 terdetik jugak "Bulan ni nye saving berkuranglah nmpknya" tp Alhamdulillah tak berlaku.
Mesti I akan dpt je side income dari memana and selalunya lebih dr apa yg I spent kat my mom.

Pastu bersedekah lah.
Give to those who in need.
RM 1 pon tak pe.
In my case, kalau g lepak kedai mamak tu, kalau tetiba org dtg mintak sedekah, mmg I tak bagi.
I tak percaya semua tu sbb byk case kan semua tu sindiket and they have physical ability utk buat kerja lain.
Kadang2 I siap suruh DH offer kerja kat station dia kalau dia tak buta lah.
What I do, time bukak FB tu, kalau ternampak org2 yg share post minta bantuan utk kos rawatan apa2 especially utk babies and toddlers, I will do online transfer direct.
Better that way. If kena tipu pon, itu between dia dgn Allah.
In Shaa Allah Tuhan akan give back to us the money that we spent berganda2.

So kalau untuk kos rawatan IVF/ICSI ni , In Shaa Allah we both are prepared.

4. Persediaan Cuti

Another great news, my CEO has approved my leave whenever I need it for the treatment.
But of course with condition.
Dia punya condition is simple, make sure I can be contacted at any time.

So memang bawak laptop ke mana saja la jawabnya lepas ni.


So what else?

Selamat Tahun Baru! - Reminder: This is going to be a super long entry.

Hahah. Dah masuk March baru terhegeh2 nak update blog.
Nothing much actually.
Been super duper busy for the past couple of months.
Busy dgn kerja yg travel sana sini atas arahan boss2 kesayangan kat office ni.

Ke Singapore lah. Ke Jakarta lah. Adoi.

Penat.

But.. above all, I managed to allocate some time for our donno-how-many times HORNYMOON!

Actually kena clear kan 6.5 days leave before end of Feb ari tu.
Like end of Jan my HR informed I have to clear dat leave, so terhegeh2 la plan percutian adhoc ni.

At first nak ke Lombok, plan like 7 days kat sana.
Bila google sana sini dgn DH, dia macam reluctant sikit sbb takut tak tau nak buat apa lama sgt kat sana.
DH ckp nite life kat Lombok mcm tak best je!

Ok fine!

DH suggest ke Phuket. Like again???
Padahal baru je kot last year raya pegi, DH tetaplah nak ke sana lagik.

I wanted Maldives.
Nak fefeeling DIVA kekdahnya.
But got rejected.
Then I suggest ke Gold Coast.
Rejected.

DH suggest Abu Dhabi - Dubai since cousin dia ada kat Abu Dhabi so can save sikit kat accommodation katanya.

Takde makna save.

So beria2 DH cari info apa best kat sana and at the same time, iols pon gigih tgk tiket.
Last2 beli jugak lah tiket ke Dubai.

Gilor.

So berangkat lah kami berdua ke Abu Dhabi on the 10th Feb ari tu. 

Nak lagi best? 

Flight hari Rabu, ari Isnin Iols kena g Jakarta for 1 nite!

A week before that, Iols ke Singapore on a day trip.

Merasa lah ko turun naik airport in 3 different countries in a week! 

Went there for 9 days. Stayed at Dubai only for 2 days 1 nite. 

Dok 2 ari sana pon Iols dah rabak.

Kunun nawaitu tak nak shopping tapi nan hado!!!!!

Gagal uols nak lawan nafsu harakah tu.

DH pon dah tak ley nak kata apa.

Masa kat Dubai, dapatlah jenjalan jap kat Souq Medina, Dubai Mall, tgk Burj Arab dari jauh and few other places.

Wanted to go up on Burj Khalifa which they charged UAE 125 tp sayang kena booking 1 week earlier so melepas mek kat situ. 

Dapat tgk dr kejauhan je la ketinggian bangunan tu. 

Tgk dr jauh pon dah kagum giler2.

The rest of the days dekat Abu Dhabi adalah ke sana ke mari.

Went for Dune Bashing and to Ferrari World as well.

Naik World's fastest roller coaster adalah yg tergila buat iols. 

Last naik masa umur 25 kat Gold Coast pon dah leley air mata.

Ini lagi lah rasa jantung tu tercabut buat seketika.

DH siap naik 2 kali! 

So here is the random pics when I was there. 

Pics melambak spt biasa kat IG.

It was a fun yet the most tiring trip.

Selama ni dok pulau je. Setakat pusing2 pulau apa lah sgt kan!

Ni hamik ko sana sini berjalan.

Seriyesly everything is not cheap there.

Food especially.

Tapi dalam dok mahal2 tu, bila balik beg beranak lagi 2.

Eh! 

Pasni dok rumah dendiam makan maggi sampai ujung bulan. 

:p

Ok nnt sambung.

Tah bila tah. 

Famous TTCians in Jekarda.

Jeng, jeng, jeng..

Those who have followed me in IG or FB mungkin dah tau la sapa yg Iols maksudkan ni..
Tak sangka dpt lak jumpa dia kat Jakarta ni.
Bukan setakat jumpa, malah we have dinner and ngupi bersama2.


Sapa?


























Scroll lagi...

Tadda!!
Hero idaman Malaya uols!

Gile ramai yg makan ati bila Iols post pic dia ni..
Well, I think semua tau kot, dia mmg dah TTC for more than 5 years.
The wife is here with him as well.
Wife dia tu Iols memang kenal sebelum dia kawin dgn Hero Malaya ni.
Masa dia masih lagi isteri X vocalists Handy Black.

So the wife told me that they have failed 4 IVFs.
And now the adopted 2 little girls.


Yang photobombed kat belakang tu wartawan tersohor Utusan Malaysia which happens to be my very good friend here in Jekarda last time.


Ekceli, DH yg minat dia lebih dr Iols.
Iols tetap dgn Aaron Aziz lah!
Petang ni DH dtg and most likely mlm ni akan melepak dgn Hero Malaya lagi since the hotels they are staying is actually opposite my apartment here.



So uols kat sini ada yang makan ati tak?


Sowwy!

Proxeed Plus

Last mth, DH went for another sperm test.
Bought the voucher from Groupon.
Buat dekat Damai Service Hospital.

Alhamdulillah, even still under low count punya category, but it improved from the last time we did the test.
I forced him to take Shaklee Zinc.

But, as usual, we want more.
So google here and there.
Asked some other TTCians in my WA group.

We decided to buy Proxeed Plus.

A bit expensive though but got a lot of good feedback.

So went to Klinik Medina dekat Tmn Melati.
Bought a box of it.
Last for 15 days at a cost of RM 180.

Minum pagi seblom breakfast - 1 sachet
Minum petang sebelom dinner - 1 sachet.

Mixed it with cold water.

Tgk lah lps raya nnt nak repeat test balik.

I am 34.

Yes 34.
Not young anymore. *sob*sob
Living my life with wonderful hubby although no child for more than 5 years now.

And still trying.
Very hard.

At times, ada jgk rasa nak quit and dont wanna think bout it too much.
Tapi tak ley aa.

So what I did to keep myself tight with all the positive vibes?

BFP Stories.


Yes, I read those success stories.
Mana yg boleh I follow, I'll try to do it.

Key point, don't give up and keep on praying.

Anyways,
I celebrated my 34th birthday last 12th June.
At first, I thought it is just a plain birthday celebration.
Went off for dinner with DH at Saisaki Wisma UOA 11 on bday eve.
Later midnite, my sis and families came over to my place (which 1 floor above theirs) with both of my nieces with cake.

The next day, went to Pertama Complex with DH to claimed my birthday gift.
Like usual, no handbags or shoes allowed.
So I asked for another camera.

This time, GOPRO HERO3+ it is!! 

1st pic using the phone apps.

Test amik pic rumah plak.

I am 1 happy bee!

Well the happiness doesn't ends there.

On last Saturday, I got pranked by my DH, families and my dear BFF.
They threw out a surprise birthday party for me!!
Which they have been planned for about a month!

And the worst part, I don't have a clue bout it!
I broke into tears the moments my DH brought me into the big huge karaoke room.

Such a great actor he is!
And the rest of the komplot!

Here some of the pic on the event day.

He took me out on that day. Tgk DH menyorok dekat belakang.

Paksa kazen dia drive. Mangkuk ni pon komplot jgk.

Ni DH buat muka tak bersalah.

Me with SILs and Nieces.

 My only sister and BIL. BIL paid for the venue. 

Thank u!

My BFFs. Seldom meet but always there whenever needed.

The best!

When u choose to be happy, happiness is what u get!
With or without child.

Syukur Ya Allah.

Happy 5th Anniversary to us!

We are 5 today!

Alhamdulillah...
Supposedly we plan to travel but something turned up and we gotta postponed the trip.
Dinner pon ala kadar je later on coz hubby is busy with audit.

And I am super busy too this week!
Gosh!

Anyway, I am grateful that Allah SWT has sent me a great hubby to share my life with.
Even up till today, there is still no sign of me getting pregnant, we both are extremely happy.

We both went ups and downs in marriage life throughout these 5 years, (who doesn't?) but that's what keeping us stronger.

I love you Mohamad Zamzuri, for everything.

Diri ini diuji lagi...

Last week Tuesday, DH jatuh sakit.

Pinggang dia meletup!

Panic kan?

Nasib baik time DH kena tu I mmg on MC sbb demam.
Dan masa dia kena tuh, I kat dapur tgh nak masak.

Tau-tau, dengar DH menjerit dr dlm bilik.
Bila I masuk bilik tgk DH dah tgh bersujud kt dlm bilik tu.
Dia tak ley nak bangun!

Mmg masa tu I panik gile2.
Panggil my mom, and she freezed too!

Pelan2 I mintak DH bangun so that he can lay down atas katil.
Sambil terjerit2, DH gagahkan diri jgk la bangun.
Gave him pain killer to ease the pain but gagal.

So, ke hospital la jawabnya!

Ni masa dlm emergency room. DH was given 2 shots to ease the pain.

Then was brought to the Xray room.

After few hours waiting, Dr came and told there is possibility of slipped disc L1 but yet to confirm as he is not the specialist.

He advised DH to admit.

Dgn sehelai sepinggang, kami pon checked in la kat KPJ Tawakal.

Later that nite, my mom came over and sent our clothes.

Malam tu mmg resah nak tidur sbb memikirkan nasib DH.

The next day, specialist came and gave us good and bad news.

The good news is, DH tak kena slip disc.

Alhamdulillah.

The bad news... 

His muscle is torn quite bad jgk.

So he need to stay for few more days for physiotherapy treatment.

So checked in la kami berdua dari hari Selasa till Jumaat kat spital tu.

I took EL. 

Elok sgt le Monday and Tuesday I MC, Wed - Friday EL.

1 mgu strettttttttt tak keja.

And this is what happened when I'm bored at the hospital.

DH?

Pasrah melayan.

Dear Husband,

No matter what, I will always stand by u.
Will be by ur side thru thick and thin.
Just like how u took care of me during my ups and downs.
I love u till Jannah.

In Shaa Allah...

Anyway, I'm on my CD 2.
So gagal lagi usaha last month.

Crash, boom, bang!

Macamana tajuk post, macam tu lah hati saya waktu received the blood test results.
Need I elaborate more?

It's BFN!

Sedih?
Yes. But kali ini lebih kuat.
I cried for only few minutes in the car.

Bila dipujuk oleh DH, I managed to set myself calm.
We had our discussion.
DH wants us to give a break before proceed with the 2nd IUI.
So this cycle break jap and continue March.

DH wanted us to improve on our weaknesses the other day.
Me to reduce the fibroid size and DH to improve his sperm counts.

Kendian DH pancing pulak to go for retail therapy.











And we bought this!

After dekat 10 tahun tak tukar katil.
Dr zaman sebelum kawin.
Time kawin pon beli katil baru utk letak rumah my in laws je.

So who knows can, dgn aura katil baru, we manage to conceive naturally lagi ke..
In Shaa Allah.

Semlm masuk kerja pon saya kuat.
And later in the evening ada spotting.

AF is on its way.

Today, AF muncul.

Bohong kalau ai cakap ai tak sedey..
But I have prepared myself, kalau tak jadi this time, I will redha and will keep on trying.
I have to be positive at all time.
I tak nak stress as stress pon boleh membantu fibroid utk membesar dgn jayanya.

Besides berdoa, ai do alot of readings.
Read psl rakan2 TTCians yg dah berjaya mendapatkan zuriat.
What they do, what they eat.. semua lah.
Mana yg i mampu, i ikut.

At least I know when it turns out BFN, i know that I have gave my best shot in trying rather then not trying at all.

Till then..

Thanks to my TTCians friends and friends in Whatsapp, IG, blog, FB yg telah mendoakan saya.
Saya pon berdoa agar semua yg senasib dgn saya dibagi peluang utk mendapatkan zuriat mereka jugak..

In shaa Allah...


BHCG test = RM 91.

Break.

We both decided to continue TTC on normal mode this few months.
Patut hari tu igt nak continue treatment dengan Dr. Adilah, September ni.
Provided that my unpaid leave is approved.

Yes, ai decided nak amik unpaid leave for a month.
Memandangkan senior exec yg patut i handover kerja2 ai ni akan start bekerja Oct, ai kena lah menundakan niat nak unpaid on September.
Boss mintak dia masuk dulu baru apply balik.
Most likely November onwards la baru boleh unpaid.

It's a tough decision, but at this particular moment, ai would do anything and sacrifice everything for TTC.

Tak dapat long break, we opt for short break.

Credits : Goo.gle for the Images.

Yes, we both are going for another round of Honeymoon on Oct.

Percutian tak dirancang.

Last Monday, saja gatal tangan bukak AAGo.

Sekali check la utk date before Raya haji tu.

And, wallah!

Dpt package ke Phuket ni for RM 1.1K for 2 pax.

Flight + Accommodation 4D/3N.

Takde pikir lama2, terus je beli.

Tau-tau time of arriving KL is mlm raya aji! 

Hahahhaha.

And if my AF on time that cycle, time kat Phuket tu nanti is my CD 14 - CD 18.

Who knows kan?

With a month's time to plan apa nak buat kt Phuket tu nanti, ai pon busy la menggoogle apa yg patut di buat kat sana..

Island tour tu mcm tak yah je sbb the other day g Krabi pon dah buat island tour.

Basically the same islands pon.

Macam la nak try water rafting... 

Ada yg dah penah g Phuket? 

Apa lagi yg best besides island hopping, fantasea?

Susah2 sgt, ai layan dok lam bilik je terusssssssssssssssss...

Salam Syawal

I'm a busy bee!

Like seriyesly for this raya.
Ke sana ke mari.
Balik kampung, facing the soklan cepumas.
Some of the relatives knew about the miscarriage.
Some not.

Those yg tau, bersimpati.
Those yg tak tau?
Ramai yg mendoakan agar kami dikurniakan zuriat ASAP.
Amin.
Alhamdulillah takde la facing yg mulut2 puaka macam yg ai ada baca kat group ICTRBA kat FB tu.

Then last weekend, ada kazen lak kawin kat Temerloh.
Balik from Temerloh on my shuben nye birthday eve.
Birthday dia on the 18th Aug.

Tanya nak beli cake apa, dia jawab taknak.
Bila ckp nak tak ai buatkan cake, dia terus jawab ok.

Confused bukan?

So berlari la ai dgn shuben g cari bahan.
Kek kit kat lak tu.
Nak kena ready before 12 am lak tu.
Berpoloh ketiak ai uols.

So...














Inilah hasilnya!

This is what I gave him dis year.

Ekceli ada beli Ipad mini tp mcm tak kasi je kat dia coz 24 hours ai yg conquer.

Hahaha.

Pasrah je laki ai tu.

Love u Jong Kit! 

Allah menguji hambaNya ini...

Beware : This is going to be super long entry.


Tak tau macamana nak start tulis this entry.
Dgn keadaan hati yg masih sedih dan pilu.
Ai need the strength for all this.

Last Thursday, ai was confirmed by the doctor that I had miscarriaged!
The worst part, ai dont even know that i'm pregnant!!!!!!
Dr said the fetus size is around 10 weeks.

Ok meh flash back balik the story.

Last May, refer to this entry CD 2 and CD 5 ,
Then on CD 26, ai punye period dtg balik.
Ai thought it is absolutely normal sbb normal pon my cycle is around CD 28 or CD 29.
Tp period ni pendek sgt.
3 days.
But flow dia nak kata sikit tak sikit, byk tak byk.
So end up buat tak tau je la.

Then ai ng Shuben pon mmg tak terpk langsung psl TTC last month.
Memasing busykan diri bake cookies.

Till last 30th June.

I had my AF.
CD 1 tu dia kuar lite-lite je.
Masuk pagi CD 2, ai sakit pinggang and belakang bagai nak rak.
Berpeluh2 pagi tu.
So pegi lah clinic.
Igt period pain biasa.
Dr bagi MC 2 ari.

Masuk CD 4, after balik keja, sampai je rumah, ai terasa nak kencing.
So pegi la toilet.
Tetiba nampak something yg pelik sikit kat atas pad.
So ai pon telek la.
Igt kan blood cloth tp warna bukan darah hitam ketul2 tu.
Then ai beranikan diri utk belek and pegang2 that thing.
Pegang rasa mcm jelly.
Ai tried to pour water kat that thing.
Pastu nampak warna dia macam lite2 chocolate.

Dis time ai berani kan diri utk amik and pegang benda tu.
Bentuk dia macam ikan.
Atas macam bulat but bawah macam nak berekor sikit.

I mmg confirm that it was not blood cloth.
So terjerit2 la ai panggil my Shuben.
Dia mmg la tak tau langsung tu apa.
Then called my mom.
She also had no idea apa tu.

So we both decided utk simpan that thing dlm bekas and will bring it to gynae the next day utk confirmation.

Mlm tu mmg tak tenang idop ai.
Dok google on Fetus.
Then found one lebey kurang mcm apa yg ai simpan tu.
8 weeks size katanya.

Shuben macam biasa. Tenang je dia.

Tak puas ati lagi, ai contacted my gynae friend.
Wassap dia the pic.
He said it could be fetus or maybe my fibroid jgk.
Dia tak tgk sendiri so dia tak tau.

The next morning, (last Thursday) try to contact my gynae tp tak dpt nak buat appointment.
We both decided nak cari gynae nearby.
Came across Klinik Bersalin Muslimah dekat Tmn Samudra tu.
Berjaya jumpa gynae kat situ.

Bila tunjuk je that thing.
She confidently ckp it is fetus.
Told her this story, dia ckp most likely yg AF seblom cycle ni was implantation bleeding.
Mungkin sbb my fibroid ada, bleeding tu jd byk.

She measured the fetus and it was 4cm.
10 weeks katanya.
But when we both did some calculation, most likely its 8 weeks.

Ai tried to hold my tears masa kat clinic tu.
After settled je with 2 days of MC, masuk keta je mmg nangis.
My Shuben as usual take it positively walaupon ai tau dia sedih.

He said that, its a positive sign showing that ai can pregnant normal.
Without treatment.

I tried to take it positively also but being women, kejap2 mesti teringat punya.

But in other hand, ai bersyukur jgk lah knowing that ai am NORMAL.
And betapa besar kuasa Allah, dikurniakan ai nikmat pregnant tu tanpa ai tahu pon.
Ai got no morning sickness.
Takde rasa mual2 ke.
Nothing at all.

And today, I'm back in d office.
Menjawab segala soalan, sampai my CEO asked me to get some rest.

New Masterchef in da house.

Presenting...

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Yes, he is the new Masterchef in da making!

Gigih ya dia tlg ai.
Skang ni rasanya, 90% keja2 baking dia yg setelkan.
Resipi pon dia hapal!

Sayang u ketat-ketat!!