Recovered

A day after the result, we both checked in dekat Le Meridien KL.
Memang dah book sebelum result keluar pon and we are prepared to whatever the result is going to be.

I did cry every now and then after the result came out for a few days.
My CD 1 came 2 days after the BETA test.
Completed 29 days cycle.
Super heavy flow.

My emotions was running up and down during the menstrual days.

But the soonest I can start praying, I prayed hard.
I cried to Him the Almighty.
Mintak diberikan kekuatan untuk melalui semua ni dgn tenang.

And He granted that.

Alhamdulillah.

At first I got to lie to people telling that I am OK while I am not OK.
I paksakan jugak diri ini untuk menjadi kuat.

The easiest things to do besides praying is keep urself busy.
So I continued doing my another baby project.
Siapkan paperwork semua and Alhamdulillah soon akan masuk production.

Then last 2 weeks, I have a business trip to Singapore (again) for 2 days 1 nite.
Heret DH sekali.
We took the trip as a way to release my stress.
Tapi disebabkan exchange rate melampau sgt sampai 3.06, I end up didn't do any shopping.

So kami jenjalan sahaja keliling Singapore tu.
Lepak hotel and spent time together.

And today I am on my CD 5.
29 days cycle lagi bulan ni.

Makan pon macam tak control je lps BETA test tu.
Lps abis cycle ni la kot baru nak control balik.

Supplement pon continue asid folic and metformin sahaja.
Vit D kalau igt baru amik.
Fish oil pon sama.
Multivitamin pon sama.

Saja nak rehatkan badan kejap.

Next month nak ke Penang.
January nak ke Vietnam.

Maybe after that la kot baru decide bila nak FET.

#12 Road to ICSI - Less than a month!

Sedar tak sedar kan tinggal kurang dari sebulan je lagi for my ICSI.
Ikut kata Dr. T mmg September lah dia nak proceed.
Tapi tak tau la by that time my body is ready 100% or not for it.

In Shaa Allah.
Let's hope for the best.

My feelings?

Ntah.

Roller coaster of emotions.

Kejap rasa I'm fine. Kejap datang angin puting beliung.
Kejap nanges. Kejap gelak.

In terms of preparation, I ikut je apa ubat dan supplements yg Doktor suruh.
Then tried to control my food intake walau terkadang terbabas jgk.

Morning breakfast dgn Oat. 3 in 1.
Ada yg advise makan raw oat but I dah berjaya makan oat hari2 ni pon rasa dah bersyukur sgt.
Lunch tgk apa sempat. If masuk office, I ate soupy2 noodles.
Still better than nasi. Avoid as much oily food as possible.
Dinner pon either makan oat or avoiding nasi lagi.
Kat rumah, beras I beli yg organic Faiza for diabetes tu.
Paksa DH makan jgk. Tapi like once a week je kot makan nasi.

Then saya workout depan TV dgn stability balls.
30 minutes daily.
So berjaya lah turun around 1.7kgs in 10 days.
Syukur nikmat sgt dah tu.

Pastu ari tu I unfollowed semua IG retis2 dan online handbag seller.
Negative vibes to me sbb manjang stress je tgk handbag lawa2.

Bahaha.


And I changed my way of posting pictures dekat IG jgk.
Byk letak doa and positive quotes.
Biar lapang sikit hati baca.


Rohani wise, I amalkan zikir2 :
Ya Khaliq, Ya Bari', Ya Musawwir, Ya Razzaq, Ya Fatah, Ya Karim, Ya Allah.
100 times each.

Besides all the normal routine solat and solat sunat.
Setiap masa berdoa pada Allah supaya mudahkan perjalanan saya ini.

Itu je la kot for now.

#9 Road to ICSI - AF is here!

As expected, got my AF today!
Called KL Fert just now to make appointment with Dr. T tomorrow.
For sure besok kena bebel because the other day buat sugar blood test, I got pre-diabetic results.
Tapi semlm 1st day puasa try jugak buat home test sugar checking and the result is 6.9mml.

Hopefully the result will keep going down sbb I dah sehabis baik dah control my sugar intake for the past 1 month.

Besok re-assessment day.
Wahai telur-telur ku, keluarlah dengan jayanya!
Really hope the right ovary punye telur dah boleh nampak sbb masa laps ritu Dr. Ng dah betulkan kedudukan right ovary tu.

Then Dr. T pon nak tgk video my laps procedure ari tu.
Uii seram uii!

And most likely I am required to pay my ICSI deposit by tomorrow.

Semoga Allah permudahkan segala2nya besok.
Seriyes I setiap kali nak g jumpa Dr, setiap kali tu nervous breakdown.
Phobia nak dgr bad news because so far there is really no good news we received ever since we started back the treatment.

But somehow, Alhamdulillah we both managed to encounter those obstacles easily.

Memang masa mula2 dpt news, I will surely broke into tears sbb 1 after another kan but DH really has taught me to be come and be positive all the way thru.
Sekarang ni what I did to make myself to stay positive at all time is by reading all the success IVF/ICSI stories thru google.
Dari situ saya cari kekuatan untuk meneruskan my ICSI journey.
In fact dr IG pon saya dah dpt kawan TTC from Australia !

Semoga Allah akan terus menerus memberikan saya kekuatan untuk melalui perjalanan ini till succeed!

#4 Road to ICSI - Telling people about ur IVF journey..

To some people, spreading the news about you and ur DH need IVF/ICSI just to get a baby is humiliating.
Eventually to them, others will have the thought that either one of u is having infertility problems.

Well for me, I want to take my TTC stories to another level.
To educate people out there that it is not our fault if we can't get the child of our own.
It is all about rezeki dari Allah SWT.
I want people out there to know that we both have tried all possible ways in order to get 1 child.
I don't want them to just assumed we both did nothing.

Besides, I know I am surrounded with good friends and families who always pray the best for me.
So I want them to pray for both of us on this IVF/ICSI journey.
Mana tau berkat doa families and kawan2 tu semua Allah SWT makbulkan.
We never know.

I know I am not ashamed for not being able to conceive on our own.
Itu semua ujian dari Allah SWT yang menunjukkan Allah SWT tu sayangkan kami berdua.

Being positive is all that I want to do now.
Keeping all the positive vibes around me.

I broke the news to my mom and sister.
DH broke the news to my SILs.
Only parents in law have no clue about it.
All the while pon they never make noise of it.
They always said rezeki tak sampai lagi.
But we will somehow tell them as well.
Nak mintak mereka doakan jugak.

The funny part, my mom, sister and SILs suruh buat kembar!
Hey igt senang nak main buat2?
So we need to explain to them on how the procedure.
Mintak diaorg doakan jugak.

Rasa bersyukur sangat family terdekat semuanya memahami and gave the support that we need.

Kalau korang pulak macamana? U tell others or just keep it to yourself? 

#2 Road to ICSI - Bersediakah aku?

1. Persediaan Kesihatan

Esok, hari untuk Dr. Natasha re-access my condition.
She'll be worried if my number of follicles is not helping me.

Setiap hari, I've tried not to show DH on how I felt inside.
How scared I am if there's only 2 or 3 follicles inside me.
The most I had was 5 follicles during my IUI last year and that is with the help of Clomid.

Berat badan pon sekarang ni dah byk turun since my last IUI.
I lost 14kgs in total and now tinggal lagi 8kg nak kena kurangkan for the right BMI.

I've started to follow Dr. Tasha advise to take supplements like Asid Folic, Fish Oil, Co10 and Multivitamins.

So let's hope for the best in me!

2. Persediaan Mental

I am now 50-50.
Sometimes, I'm being positive but at times, I do afraid if it fails.
Whether I could accept the heart breaks.

Roller coaster of emotions.

But, DH has always been supportive.
Walaupon selalu kena hadap my mood swing.
Dia relax and cool je.
Even skang ni I tau sesgt yg dia pening kepala since the "BELOVED" government buat system minyak floating ni.
Itu pon belum tambah dgn problem staff dia yg hari2 dgn mcm2 kerenah.
I mmg tak kan amik tau pesal hal station dgn dia.
He still will do his best to take care of my feelings.
Walaupon kdg2 sakit hati jugak bila I je yg kena cari info for the fertility treatment ni and dia ley relax main game, but at the end DH ni mmg jenis YES je.
Dia ikut je apa I decide.
I think most of the guys mmg macam ni kan perangai dia.
Still rasa grateful jugak sbb dia nak jgk lah ikut kan and he will of course accompany me to every single appointment with the doctors.

Not forgetting the support that I get from my closest friends and my TTCians friends.
I read all the TTCians blogs yg dah pernah buat IVF/ICSI.
Some succeed in their 1st attempt. Some not.
So semua tuh buat I rasa confident with the decision to try the procedure.

To add to it, now I selalu dengar kat youtube / mp3 all the surah-surah dan doa utk mendapatkan zuriat instead of listening to my favorite songs.
I felt more calm of doing so.

Last week kan our 6th anniversary, since we already been doing readings on IVF/ICSI before I start with the treatment, we've both decided tema hadiah anniversary kali ni is US.
Meaning, kena beli hadiah utk 2-2 boleh guna.

Dis is what I gave him.

Dis is what he gave me.

Beli ni dgn harapan nanti kalau 2ww I tak ler sangap baring saje.
But main game sebenarnya dgn DH sebenarnya lagi stress.
So we shall see how nanti ya.

3. Persediaan Kewangan

Alhamdulillah, for the past few years after I got back from Jakarta, rezeki memang tak putus2 for both of us.
Masa buat decision to come back and work in KL, hati tu terasa jugak whether I could live as it is sbb duit oversea allowance dah tak de kan.
Sebelum ni masa dok kat Jakarta, I tak bawak pon my salary nye bank card ke sana.
DH simpankan. Online banking pon I deactivated.
Survived mmg dgn duit allowance je.

So just imagine bila balik keja kat sini, I lost like half of my income.
Tapi itulah, the more I spent on the fertility treatment, the more I get back.

Besides that, jangan kedekut dgn ur parents!
In my case, I have a mom only.

Tiap2 minggu bawak dia pegi makan kat tempat dia terasa nak makan.
If dia nak baju, I belikan dia baju or apa saja lah..
Kadang2 terdetik jugak "Bulan ni nye saving berkuranglah nmpknya" tp Alhamdulillah tak berlaku.
Mesti I akan dpt je side income dari memana and selalunya lebih dr apa yg I spent kat my mom.

Pastu bersedekah lah.
Give to those who in need.
RM 1 pon tak pe.
In my case, kalau g lepak kedai mamak tu, kalau tetiba org dtg mintak sedekah, mmg I tak bagi.
I tak percaya semua tu sbb byk case kan semua tu sindiket and they have physical ability utk buat kerja lain.
Kadang2 I siap suruh DH offer kerja kat station dia kalau dia tak buta lah.
What I do, time bukak FB tu, kalau ternampak org2 yg share post minta bantuan utk kos rawatan apa2 especially utk babies and toddlers, I will do online transfer direct.
Better that way. If kena tipu pon, itu between dia dgn Allah.
In Shaa Allah Tuhan akan give back to us the money that we spent berganda2.

So kalau untuk kos rawatan IVF/ICSI ni , In Shaa Allah we both are prepared.

4. Persediaan Cuti

Another great news, my CEO has approved my leave whenever I need it for the treatment.
But of course with condition.
Dia punya condition is simple, make sure I can be contacted at any time.

So memang bawak laptop ke mana saja la jawabnya lepas ni.


So what else?

CD 3 - Cycle gagal lagi.

Walaupon dah sehabis relax dgn bercuti sana-sini but takde rezeki lagi utk kami bulan ini.
Sad?
Nah.

Redha.

Belum sampai waktunya lagi utk Allah bg rezeki itu kepada kami.
Tp Alhamdulillah.. Allah masih lagi bagi kami rezeki lain di bulan ini.

My Maxshoppe Delicacies cookies utk raya mostly dah abis terjual at selected kedai Mesra Petronas.
Despite all the complaints and maki hamun sbb payung belum abis lagi.
Masih ada customer yg membeli our raya cookies.

Syukur.

Sebut pesal payung Petronas, memang Iols malas nak komen apa2.
Kalau defend lebey kang ada jgk mulut2 yg berbunyik.
Even for ourself pon tak dpt nak bg sanak saudara, adik beradik the payung walaupon berbagai tohmahan dilemparkan kat dealer ckp kami sorok payung lah..

Hebat kuasa payung Petronas ni.

This week akan ke Raub for cousin's wedding.
Eh jalan lagi?

After that, berakhirlah sudah misi jalan2 kami.
I gotta concetrate on my next project.
Yg dah dekat 2 bulan jgk tertangguh.

Nak g jumpa Dr Adilah this month pon dia bercuti haji.
Bersabar je la next cycle.
Dah 5 tahun lebih ley sabar kan, inikan pulak 1 bulan je..

Mungkin ada hikmah dia, who knows.

I am 34.

Yes 34.
Not young anymore. *sob*sob
Living my life with wonderful hubby although no child for more than 5 years now.

And still trying.
Very hard.

At times, ada jgk rasa nak quit and dont wanna think bout it too much.
Tapi tak ley aa.

So what I did to keep myself tight with all the positive vibes?

BFP Stories.


Yes, I read those success stories.
Mana yg boleh I follow, I'll try to do it.

Key point, don't give up and keep on praying.

Anyways,
I celebrated my 34th birthday last 12th June.
At first, I thought it is just a plain birthday celebration.
Went off for dinner with DH at Saisaki Wisma UOA 11 on bday eve.
Later midnite, my sis and families came over to my place (which 1 floor above theirs) with both of my nieces with cake.

The next day, went to Pertama Complex with DH to claimed my birthday gift.
Like usual, no handbags or shoes allowed.
So I asked for another camera.

This time, GOPRO HERO3+ it is!! 

1st pic using the phone apps.

Test amik pic rumah plak.

I am 1 happy bee!

Well the happiness doesn't ends there.

On last Saturday, I got pranked by my DH, families and my dear BFF.
They threw out a surprise birthday party for me!!
Which they have been planned for about a month!

And the worst part, I don't have a clue bout it!
I broke into tears the moments my DH brought me into the big huge karaoke room.

Such a great actor he is!
And the rest of the komplot!

Here some of the pic on the event day.

He took me out on that day. Tgk DH menyorok dekat belakang.

Paksa kazen dia drive. Mangkuk ni pon komplot jgk.

Ni DH buat muka tak bersalah.

Me with SILs and Nieces.

 My only sister and BIL. BIL paid for the venue. 

Thank u!

My BFFs. Seldom meet but always there whenever needed.

The best!

When u choose to be happy, happiness is what u get!
With or without child.

Syukur Ya Allah.

Bernasib baik kah aku?

Sometimes bila ada masa I ada jugak la bukak forum, group FB etc pesal TTCians ni.
Ada some posting bercerita tentang masalah being a TTCians dr sudut family and friends.
Masalah nak mengadap orang2 yg bermulut puaka ni.
Ada jgk orang2 itu termasuklah mak mertua, pak mertua, kakak / adik2 ipar etc.

Kira org yang terdekat dgn kita.

Mmg hancur luluh hati mereka2 yg meluahkan perasaan tu.
Sedih I baca sebab walaupun mereka senasib dgn saya being a TTCians, dugaan mereka lebih hebat dr saya.

Saya bersyukur, semua ahli keluarga kami amat memahami yg semua itu rezeki Allah yg belum tiba.
Baik my own family or my in laws.
Tak pernah mereka menghina, mengeji kami kerana tak ada anak selama 5 tahun berkahwin.
Malah, mereka tetap memberikan sokongan dan doa dlm apa saja usaha kami utk mendapatkan zuriat ni.

Namun saya tetap tidak menolak, ada jugak di kalangan sedara mara yg kdg2 bertanya bila nak dpt anak.
How I wish I can answer them tomorrow!

Tp yg paling membuatkan saya rasa lagi sedih, bila baca posting yg menceritakan tentang suami sendiri yg tak nak support!

Hell o!

Ajak g clinic taknak teman apatah lagi nak buat test sbb dia rasa dia tak de masalah dan masalah tu kat bini je.
Pastu, isteri suruh makan supplement pon tak nak sbb dia rasa dia tak de masalah jugak.

Dah kenapa?

Nak letak blame tu semua kat bini ke?

Nama pon suami isteri.. takkan usaha sebelah pihak je?
Katanya, tawakal pada Allah.

Yes, memang semua pon kita kena tawakal dan redha atas ketentuan Allah tp Allah tak melarang kita dari berusaha kan?
Dah berusaha baru kita tawakal.
Ini semua pon nak letak kat bahu isteri.
Tak kesian ke kat bini korang tu?
Bukan semua tu tanggungjawab laki jgk ke?

It takes 2 to tango.

I ni nak kata DH i tu baik sgt tu tak lah but dia mmg ikut je apa yg I suruh dia buat.
Kira macam I buat jambatan, dia lalu je atas jambatan tu.
Tak pe la dr dia tak nak buat kan.

Tak tau la I mcmana TTCians yg ada problem mcm tu nak hadap laki yg jenis mcm tu.
Kesian.
Bertimpa2 dugaan.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah perjalanan kami semua ini.

Rasa tak best.

Semlm ada spotting sket.
Brownish2 color dia.

Today, ai woke up with my body temp rasa suam2 kuku.
Flu.
Throat gatal2.

Hoi, apekah?

Spotting takde.
Perut dah start nak cramp.

My CD 1 suppose to be next Monday.

Argghhh!!

End up...







































I ordered dis!

Puas ati! 

Mulut Puaka.

A good friend of my mom, yg boleh dikatakan alim jgk, out of nowhere, bagi ai soklan mintak kena bunuh last Saturday.

Masa tuh ai tgh main dgn my niece yg 9 months old.
During my cousin's engagement lak tu.

She said, "Along bila pulak nak ada anak?"

Tersentap jap ai kat situ.
Sbb bukannya jarang jumpa dia pon kan.
Selalu jgk jumpa dia.

Tanpa pandang pon muka dia, ai replied, "Bila Tuhan nak bagi and aunty doakan la jgk spy Along cepat dpt anak."

And she left.

Emosi di malam hari.

Malam tadi sebelum tido, ai tetiba emo.

Dalam linangan air mata, mintak maaf dekat DH.
Dia pon terkejut.
Mintak maaf sebab tak dpt nak kasi dia zuriat lagi.

And again, DH is so calm.
Dgn tenang, dia suruh ai jgn mengarut.
Dia percaya semua ni ada hikmah.
Allah tahu apa yang terbaik utk kami.

Dan dlm linangan air mata jugak la ai tido tak sedar diri.

Selamat Hari Raya TTCians!

Di kesempatan ini saya menyusun 10 jari untuk memohon ampun dan maaf seandainya tulisan2 saya di blog ini ada melukakan hati, terkasar bahasa.

Nampaknya tahun ni masih lagi beraya berdua.

Dan ai have to be strong to face the people I'm going to meet during this festive season.

Especially questions from the relatives yg jenis kepochi.

But Alhamdulillah, my FIL, MIL and all my in laws adalah sgt memahami. 

Tidak pernah sekali pun mengungkit soal anak dgn kami. 

In fact, they are being so supportive so that I can think positively. 

Tetambah saya baru lepas miscarriage ni kan.

Tapi tu lah, org luar tu yg kadang2 over.

Most of the times ai managed to stay strong but sometimes, berkaca jgk mata ni.

Mulut org kan... susah nak tutup. 

Ada masa tu ai terpaksa jadi sarcastic.

Menjawab dgn kata2 yg boleh bg org tu sakit hati balik.

Ok lah. 

Am still working today.

Tak amik coti pon raya ni. 

Just besok je 1 day then next Monday dah masuk keja balik.

To those yg beraya kat kg, berhati-hati di jalan raya.

Selamat hari raya again! 

Allah menguji hambaNya ini...

Beware : This is going to be super long entry.


Tak tau macamana nak start tulis this entry.
Dgn keadaan hati yg masih sedih dan pilu.
Ai need the strength for all this.

Last Thursday, ai was confirmed by the doctor that I had miscarriaged!
The worst part, ai dont even know that i'm pregnant!!!!!!
Dr said the fetus size is around 10 weeks.

Ok meh flash back balik the story.

Last May, refer to this entry CD 2 and CD 5 ,
Then on CD 26, ai punye period dtg balik.
Ai thought it is absolutely normal sbb normal pon my cycle is around CD 28 or CD 29.
Tp period ni pendek sgt.
3 days.
But flow dia nak kata sikit tak sikit, byk tak byk.
So end up buat tak tau je la.

Then ai ng Shuben pon mmg tak terpk langsung psl TTC last month.
Memasing busykan diri bake cookies.

Till last 30th June.

I had my AF.
CD 1 tu dia kuar lite-lite je.
Masuk pagi CD 2, ai sakit pinggang and belakang bagai nak rak.
Berpeluh2 pagi tu.
So pegi lah clinic.
Igt period pain biasa.
Dr bagi MC 2 ari.

Masuk CD 4, after balik keja, sampai je rumah, ai terasa nak kencing.
So pegi la toilet.
Tetiba nampak something yg pelik sikit kat atas pad.
So ai pon telek la.
Igt kan blood cloth tp warna bukan darah hitam ketul2 tu.
Then ai beranikan diri utk belek and pegang2 that thing.
Pegang rasa mcm jelly.
Ai tried to pour water kat that thing.
Pastu nampak warna dia macam lite2 chocolate.

Dis time ai berani kan diri utk amik and pegang benda tu.
Bentuk dia macam ikan.
Atas macam bulat but bawah macam nak berekor sikit.

I mmg confirm that it was not blood cloth.
So terjerit2 la ai panggil my Shuben.
Dia mmg la tak tau langsung tu apa.
Then called my mom.
She also had no idea apa tu.

So we both decided utk simpan that thing dlm bekas and will bring it to gynae the next day utk confirmation.

Mlm tu mmg tak tenang idop ai.
Dok google on Fetus.
Then found one lebey kurang mcm apa yg ai simpan tu.
8 weeks size katanya.

Shuben macam biasa. Tenang je dia.

Tak puas ati lagi, ai contacted my gynae friend.
Wassap dia the pic.
He said it could be fetus or maybe my fibroid jgk.
Dia tak tgk sendiri so dia tak tau.

The next morning, (last Thursday) try to contact my gynae tp tak dpt nak buat appointment.
We both decided nak cari gynae nearby.
Came across Klinik Bersalin Muslimah dekat Tmn Samudra tu.
Berjaya jumpa gynae kat situ.

Bila tunjuk je that thing.
She confidently ckp it is fetus.
Told her this story, dia ckp most likely yg AF seblom cycle ni was implantation bleeding.
Mungkin sbb my fibroid ada, bleeding tu jd byk.

She measured the fetus and it was 4cm.
10 weeks katanya.
But when we both did some calculation, most likely its 8 weeks.

Ai tried to hold my tears masa kat clinic tu.
After settled je with 2 days of MC, masuk keta je mmg nangis.
My Shuben as usual take it positively walaupon ai tau dia sedih.

He said that, its a positive sign showing that ai can pregnant normal.
Without treatment.

I tried to take it positively also but being women, kejap2 mesti teringat punya.

But in other hand, ai bersyukur jgk lah knowing that ai am NORMAL.
And betapa besar kuasa Allah, dikurniakan ai nikmat pregnant tu tanpa ai tahu pon.
Ai got no morning sickness.
Takde rasa mual2 ke.
Nothing at all.

And today, I'm back in d office.
Menjawab segala soalan, sampai my CEO asked me to get some rest.

Setahun.

In 4 days, genap lah setahun ai buat Myomectomy surgery.

What is Myomectomy?

A myomectomy is an operation to remove fibroids while preserving the uterus. For women who have fibroid symptoms and want to have children in the future, myomectomy is the best treatment option.

Myomectomy is very effective, but fibroids can re-grow. The younger you are and the more fibroids you have at the time of myomectomy, the more likely you are to develop fibroids again in the future. Women nearing menopause are the least likely to have recurring problems from fibroids after a myomectomy.

A myomectomy can be performed several different ways. Depending on the size, number and location of your fibroids, you may be eligible for an abdominal myomectomy, a laparoscopic myomectomy or a hysteroscopic myomectomy.

For my story about the surgery can go to Pengalaman operate Fibroid . 

And in 2 days, I'll be reaching 33 years old. 

Gosh, time flies! 

Dear Suami,

No words can describe how to thank u for all the things u have done to me.

I love u.

Berusaha lah selagi mampu.

Yes.
Itu adalah satu nasihat yang ai pernah terima tak berapa lama dulu.
From an X TTCians.

Kakak tu is one of Malaysians yang stay dekat Jakarta.
Her story is truly inspiring.

She got married at d age of 28 yrs old.
Got her 1st kid at the age of 36 yrs old.

8 tahun!

Dia citer kat ai semua effort yang dia buat.
5 ke 6 times IUI failed.
2 kali IVF.
Semua ceruk specialists dia pegi.
Urut semua pon dia buat.

Dia beruntung sbb dia dan suami mempunyai kemampuan dr segi kewangan.
Masuk kali ke 7 IUI, dia berjaya hamil!!!

Then after 2 years deliver, dia buat IVF for 2nd child.
Alhamdulillah success.

Dr asked whether she wanted to "ikat" or not.
She said no need sbb all the while pon dia tak berjaya dgn kaedah normal.

But kuasa Allah SWT siapa yang mampu menghalang...

Dia pregnant normal utk baby ke 3 after 1 yr plus deliver the 2nd baby!!!

Dia selalu nasihatkan ai supaya bersabar dan berusaha selagi ai dan suami mampu.
If tak mampu dari segi kewangan sekalipun, that's not the reason for you to quit.

Dan In Shaa Allah, ai won't quit either and akan berusaha selagi terdaya.

CD 14 - April

Last Friday Dr. K gave me ovidrel utk pecahkan telur.
Start semlm my body temperature got hay wired.
Terasa panas kat dalam.

Sudahnya demam.
With flu and coughing.

Great.

End up tak pi keja.

Today pon sama.
Terasa lagi panas kat dalam badan.
Batuk kurang.
But flu menjadi-jadi.

Tapi ari ni gagahkan diri ke tempat kerja.

Apekah semua ini?

TTC Poems #1

Poems I've found over the internet. 

Wanting, hoping, and praying.
Who’d have thought life would be this bad
A baby is all we'd rather
have a little one to call our own.
Getting tired of trying and failing.
Just waiting to make our house a home.
Life goes on, it’ll be are time
Don’t tell us that things will be just fine.

No one knows how hard it is
when there is this emptiness with in
Time goes by in such a whiz
That clock we hears is ticking away
Will she ever make it to test day?

Tests, needles and lots of pain
Will we ever get through this hurtful game?
Mothers day comes and goes
How hurt we are it never shows

Pregnant ladies are all around
can’t even lift my eyes from the ground
This is really driving us down

Maybe one day it will be our time.
Until that time we must be strong and keep testing on
Please pray for us and that baby dust down!

Rasa Hati Ini

Gara-gara lately ni I byk baca blog-blog TTC kat luar sana tuh, I pon terpanggil lah nak create 1 blog TTC.

Dari dok bercampur aduk lambakkan kan semua kat http://iamqimie.com tuh.

From my readings, I managed to know what are the difficulties they went thru during TTC.

Bermacam-macam cara mereka usahakan demi rezeki yang satu ini.

Including myself. 

Dari blog-blog itu, saya cuba membina kekuatan saya sendiri untuk lebih bersedia menghadapi segala dugaan mendatang di masa hadapan.

Jujur, dalaman saya tidak sekuat luaran saya yang masih mampu mengukir senyuman dan mengucapkan tahniah setiap kali perkhabaran itu menusuk telinga.

Seikhlas manapun ucapan itu terungkap dari bibir ini, pasti jauh di sudut hati ini terasa pedihnya.

Namun, saya tetap bersyukur kerana keluarga dan teman2 rapat amat memahami situasi diri.

Yang sentiasa memberikan sokongan dan dorongan di kala diri amat memerlukan.

Dan yang lebih penting, Sang Suami jua turut sama-sama memahami perasaan ini dan sentiasa memberikan kata-kata positif supaya diri ini tidak dibebani rasa sedih yang melampau.

Melalui blog-blog itu jua, kami berdua mencuba segala jalan yang ada untuk mendapatkan rezeki yang satu ini.

Berkorban masa dan wang ringgit demi mendapatkan zuriat.

Betapa hebat dugaan yang diberikan oleh Allah SWT ini, namun saya percaya pasti ada rahmat dan hikmah yang Dia telah siapkan untuk kami berdua.Hanya orang yang terbuka hatinya yang mampu mencari hikmah tersebut.Saya percaya musibah yang menimpa ini adalah satu tanda kerinduan Allah SWT untuk mendengar luahan hati kita lantaran sunyinya hati kita dari berdoa, meminta kepadaNya.

In Shaa Allah….

credit to goo.gle dan ratuhati.