#11 Road to ICSI - Check up again

Selamat Hari Raya to all my fellow friends!
Maaf zahir batin andai ada nukilan dalam blog ini mengguris hati dan perasaan uols.

Anyway, as expected, my CD 1 falls on 2nd Syawal.
I need to check on my follicles this month.
Emailed Dr. T, she replied, I can either see Dr. Helena or wait till she comes back on my CD 6.

Since I am so comfortable with my Dr. T, I waited for her to come back.

So on last Thursday, I went to see her.
Alhamdulillah found 6 follicles on my left ovary and 4 on the right ovary.
That makes is 10 and the most I've had so far!

Dr. T is happy about that. So now mmg tunggu my sugar level turun till 6 - 6.5 which now current reading is around 7.

Dr. T confirming that my ICSI will be this September but if next month my sugar is good, I can just proceed but we both mintak jgk September since this August me and DH will be busy with his sister's wedding.

Biar lah settle semua tu dulu.

Besides checking on the follicles, I kena jgk amik darah utk check my Vit D together with Hep B, C and HIV test.

Result yg tu tak dpt lagi.

So total for today is : RM 750.
Cost utk Vit D test itself dah RM 320.

The next day tu, DH ckp kat I, abis je wedding adik dia nnt before the ICSI, dia ajak Iols g holiday.
I ajak ler ke Penang tp dia ckp jom Phuket! (again!)
Sayang DH ketat-ketat!

Sah lah Phuket ni jadi yearly vaccay spot.

So arini I kena lah gigih check hotel and ticket semua!
Bila check date yang dipilih tu most likely on O day!
Last year pegi pon time O jgk tapi takde rezeki.
Kita tgk dis year lak eh!

Meh lanje selfie sket! Eh!!

#5 Road to ICSI - Comfortable

Been asking around to those people who already succeed with their IVF/ICSI procedure.
Lots of questions and tips asked.
But 1 thing for sure, BED REST is a must!

BED REST means u can't go to work, eat, pray all on the bed.
U are only allowed to go to the toilet and perform Solat of course.
Itupon Solat duduk.

Wow!

So being me, thinking wayyy outside the box, I told DH, we need to find a SOFA BED!

Bahahaha.

Apa kena mengena ayte?
DH pon pelik.

I told him, I can imagine myself lying on our bed, in the room, watching a 40" TV from far can get me bored to death.
And I want to rest in our living hall.
Lebih nyaman, got more sunlights, TV lagi besar, got DVD player, got PS4 and all kind of reason I could think of.

Manja me? Yeah, I know.

And to lie down on our sofa will not keep me comfortable.
DH rejected the idea of having a SOFA BED.
He even asked "Nak letak mana pulak sofa tu?"
I told him to remove 1 of the 3 seater sofa.

"Abis nak bagi sapa sofa tu?"

Ok, pening jap.

DH terus je ckp, beli katil single bujang tu je senang.
Dah abis pakai nanti boleh dismantle letak dlm stor.

Punah impian nak sofa baru.

Period.

#3 Road to ICSI - CD 13 - 2nd Appointment with Dr. Tasha

I'm not too sure whether to be happy or to be sad.

So my 2nd appointment with Dr. Tasha was on last Saturday at KL Fertility Centre.
Arrived at 9 am.
Registered and waited for DH to do his thing, the Semen Analysis.
Still not many patient.

By 940 am, DH is done with his thing.
Kental masuk sesorang mamat tu.
Maybe because this is his 5th times of doing so.

My appointment is at 11 am so lepas send sample, we both walked across KL Fertility and looked for Subway for a quick breakkie.

By 1030 am naik balik KL Fertility and tetiba penuh and sesak sgt ruang menunggu tu!!
Berbilang kaum ada. Malays, Indian, Chinese and few mat saleh.
This make me realized that ramai lagi kat luar sana senasib..

Waited till 1140 am then baru dpt jumpa Dr.
First Dr explained the results of DH SA.
Nothing much different though.
He still had the abnormal shape problem so ICSI is definitely for us both.

Its time for my TVS.

Bismillah...

On my left side, Dr can see about 5 follicles.
Fibroid is still seen but she said its still quite far from the pathway.
So she really hope that it wont disturb during the procedure nanti.
Pusing punya pusing, the right one is no where to be seen.

Oh my!

Then she decided to use the USG.
Alamak!
My bladder is not full pulak tu.
So mmg tak nampak my right ovary.

Great just great.

I tak tau nak rasa happy ke sedih time ni.
Dr Tasha tried to cheer a bit by saying it is good progress since I only took supplements for a week and my number of eggs increased from 1 to 5.

So she asked us when we want to proceed with the procedure.
Without hesitation, both of us answered, anytime.

Dr decided to re-access on my next cycle and if it is good to go, she will proceed next cycle, else I have to wait until after raya.

Let's hope for the best ya!

Meanwhile, dok tgh berkira2 nak carik sofabed baru.
Imagining my life bed resting for 2/3 weeks dalam bilik je nanti, I can't do that.
So sofabed letak kat living hall so that I could watch TV on a bigger screen than the room would be much better.
DH ckp I kekwat.

Gila tak?

#2 Road to ICSI - Bersediakah aku?

1. Persediaan Kesihatan

Esok, hari untuk Dr. Natasha re-access my condition.
She'll be worried if my number of follicles is not helping me.

Setiap hari, I've tried not to show DH on how I felt inside.
How scared I am if there's only 2 or 3 follicles inside me.
The most I had was 5 follicles during my IUI last year and that is with the help of Clomid.

Berat badan pon sekarang ni dah byk turun since my last IUI.
I lost 14kgs in total and now tinggal lagi 8kg nak kena kurangkan for the right BMI.

I've started to follow Dr. Tasha advise to take supplements like Asid Folic, Fish Oil, Co10 and Multivitamins.

So let's hope for the best in me!

2. Persediaan Mental

I am now 50-50.
Sometimes, I'm being positive but at times, I do afraid if it fails.
Whether I could accept the heart breaks.

Roller coaster of emotions.

But, DH has always been supportive.
Walaupon selalu kena hadap my mood swing.
Dia relax and cool je.
Even skang ni I tau sesgt yg dia pening kepala since the "BELOVED" government buat system minyak floating ni.
Itu pon belum tambah dgn problem staff dia yg hari2 dgn mcm2 kerenah.
I mmg tak kan amik tau pesal hal station dgn dia.
He still will do his best to take care of my feelings.
Walaupon kdg2 sakit hati jugak bila I je yg kena cari info for the fertility treatment ni and dia ley relax main game, but at the end DH ni mmg jenis YES je.
Dia ikut je apa I decide.
I think most of the guys mmg macam ni kan perangai dia.
Still rasa grateful jugak sbb dia nak jgk lah ikut kan and he will of course accompany me to every single appointment with the doctors.

Not forgetting the support that I get from my closest friends and my TTCians friends.
I read all the TTCians blogs yg dah pernah buat IVF/ICSI.
Some succeed in their 1st attempt. Some not.
So semua tuh buat I rasa confident with the decision to try the procedure.

To add to it, now I selalu dengar kat youtube / mp3 all the surah-surah dan doa utk mendapatkan zuriat instead of listening to my favorite songs.
I felt more calm of doing so.

Last week kan our 6th anniversary, since we already been doing readings on IVF/ICSI before I start with the treatment, we've both decided tema hadiah anniversary kali ni is US.
Meaning, kena beli hadiah utk 2-2 boleh guna.

Dis is what I gave him.

Dis is what he gave me.

Beli ni dgn harapan nanti kalau 2ww I tak ler sangap baring saje.
But main game sebenarnya dgn DH sebenarnya lagi stress.
So we shall see how nanti ya.

3. Persediaan Kewangan

Alhamdulillah, for the past few years after I got back from Jakarta, rezeki memang tak putus2 for both of us.
Masa buat decision to come back and work in KL, hati tu terasa jugak whether I could live as it is sbb duit oversea allowance dah tak de kan.
Sebelum ni masa dok kat Jakarta, I tak bawak pon my salary nye bank card ke sana.
DH simpankan. Online banking pon I deactivated.
Survived mmg dgn duit allowance je.

So just imagine bila balik keja kat sini, I lost like half of my income.
Tapi itulah, the more I spent on the fertility treatment, the more I get back.

Besides that, jangan kedekut dgn ur parents!
In my case, I have a mom only.

Tiap2 minggu bawak dia pegi makan kat tempat dia terasa nak makan.
If dia nak baju, I belikan dia baju or apa saja lah..
Kadang2 terdetik jugak "Bulan ni nye saving berkuranglah nmpknya" tp Alhamdulillah tak berlaku.
Mesti I akan dpt je side income dari memana and selalunya lebih dr apa yg I spent kat my mom.

Pastu bersedekah lah.
Give to those who in need.
RM 1 pon tak pe.
In my case, kalau g lepak kedai mamak tu, kalau tetiba org dtg mintak sedekah, mmg I tak bagi.
I tak percaya semua tu sbb byk case kan semua tu sindiket and they have physical ability utk buat kerja lain.
Kadang2 I siap suruh DH offer kerja kat station dia kalau dia tak buta lah.
What I do, time bukak FB tu, kalau ternampak org2 yg share post minta bantuan utk kos rawatan apa2 especially utk babies and toddlers, I will do online transfer direct.
Better that way. If kena tipu pon, itu between dia dgn Allah.
In Shaa Allah Tuhan akan give back to us the money that we spent berganda2.

So kalau untuk kos rawatan IVF/ICSI ni , In Shaa Allah we both are prepared.

4. Persediaan Cuti

Another great news, my CEO has approved my leave whenever I need it for the treatment.
But of course with condition.
Dia punya condition is simple, make sure I can be contacted at any time.

So memang bawak laptop ke mana saja la jawabnya lepas ni.


So what else?

Keliru.

Yes lately byk fikir.

Tak tau bila nak start treatment balik.
Kejap igt March, but when the time comes, time tu la sibuk dgn business Maq & Rock iols.

Susah betul lah!

Then 1 hal lagi, rasa macam nak proceed with IVF terus pon  ada jgk ni instead of trying out IUI for the 2nd time.
Sbb terasa macam malas nak buat masa ke sana ke sini lagi.
So nak terus hadap je.
But DH pulak macam nak slow and steady.

Anyway, hari ni CD2.
Pagi tadi called Dr Adilah and at the same time bukak website Hospital Pusrawi.
Nurse baru Dr Adilah, Salina takde plak.
Yg pick up call kata nnt dia sampai kan pesan.

Then masa browse website Pusrawi tu, I came across these ads :

Menarik kan?

Secepat kilat Iols call.

And I managed to secure an appointment at 230 pm tomorrow!

Dapat lak Dr. Natasha Ain.

Sapa Dr. Natasha ? 

Sila gugel.

As long as dpt Dr perempuan, I am good to go.

Walaupon nak kena start semua all over again.

And bernasib baik jugak buat appointment terus tadi sbb Salina return my call and told me Dr Adilah besok ada case at 3 pm. 

Pagi appointment penuh.

So it's a sign for me to start dgn Dr yg baru kot? 

We'll see how.

Dr. Natasha ni same clinic dgn Dr. Prashant at KL Fertility Centre besides Pusrawi. 

Dekat Pusrawi, Dr. Natasha ni just ada ari Isnin and Rabu.

Speaking of Dr. Prashant, my 2nd boss, is his IVF patient. 

And my 2nd boss tu baru je dpt baby like, yesterday! 

His 3rd IVF but 1st with Dr. Prashant and terus success after 7 years menunggu.

My 2nd boss tu pon ari tu ada bagi I kad Dr. Prashant tu tp Iols masih berkira2 nak pegi sbb Dr. laki kan.. 

Esok ni pon Iols amik half day EL je. 

Yang ni Iols dah pk masak2, boss mana yg marah Iols pesal dok amik coti semedang ni mmg akan dihamput balik la jawabnya. 

And normally yang selalu bising I dok coti ni ialah my CFO while I am reporting directly to my CEO.

CEO Iols ok je as long as I still reply his emails and the work is done anywhere and anytime he needs.

So besok, Iols berdoa sesgt everything will be good. 

If Dr. suruh Iols proceed dgn IVF pon Iols will terima dgn redha.

Anyway, our 6th anniversary is coming this 3rd April. 

So far tak de pon pk nak celebrate dekat mana since ari tu dah ada advanced anniversary trip ke Abu Dhabi - Dubai.

But ada pressie lah dr Iols kat DH.

Dr DH ke iols belum tau apa dia lagi.

Iols mintak handbag tapi macam biasa takkan la dapatnya... 

So kita tgk nanti apakah dia.

Raya Update

Hahaha.
Dah nak abis raya baru iols terhegeh2 nak update blog.
Dah puas berjalan baru teringat yg iols ada blog TTC ni.

Anyway, baby Made in Phuket tak jadi ya.

But we both really have fun there.

Other than that, biasa lah soklan2 mencengkam rasa tu tetap bertemu jua.
Tapi dis time Iols just senyum.
Malas nak layan.

Tgh dok pk2 bila nak continue treatment balik.

Ni ujung bulan nak ke Koh Sa Mui lak.
September je la kot rasanya.

Dr Adilah cuti bila?

Maybe before start treatment, nak suruh DH g buat sperm test skali lagi after taking Proxeed Plus.
If ok, then continue treatment.

Another IUI perhaps.

Eh update mcm tak update kan?

Anyway, berat naikkkk mencanakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!
Diet, diet, diet or die! die! die!

Seblom raya berat 73.8kg.
Today, 75.5kg.

Hebattt!!
Stress!
Tarik rambut!
Nak nangis tau!
Ni dah start tak makan nasi balik.

Ni gambar seblom xtvt makan start. 

1st Raya pic.

Ni masa kat Phuket.

Nampak tak kembang kat situ?

Stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Proxeed Plus

Last mth, DH went for another sperm test.
Bought the voucher from Groupon.
Buat dekat Damai Service Hospital.

Alhamdulillah, even still under low count punya category, but it improved from the last time we did the test.
I forced him to take Shaklee Zinc.

But, as usual, we want more.
So google here and there.
Asked some other TTCians in my WA group.

We decided to buy Proxeed Plus.

A bit expensive though but got a lot of good feedback.

So went to Klinik Medina dekat Tmn Melati.
Bought a box of it.
Last for 15 days at a cost of RM 180.

Minum pagi seblom breakfast - 1 sachet
Minum petang sebelom dinner - 1 sachet.

Mixed it with cold water.

Tgk lah lps raya nnt nak repeat test balik.

Diri ini diuji lagi...

Last week Tuesday, DH jatuh sakit.

Pinggang dia meletup!

Panic kan?

Nasib baik time DH kena tu I mmg on MC sbb demam.
Dan masa dia kena tuh, I kat dapur tgh nak masak.

Tau-tau, dengar DH menjerit dr dlm bilik.
Bila I masuk bilik tgk DH dah tgh bersujud kt dlm bilik tu.
Dia tak ley nak bangun!

Mmg masa tu I panik gile2.
Panggil my mom, and she freezed too!

Pelan2 I mintak DH bangun so that he can lay down atas katil.
Sambil terjerit2, DH gagahkan diri jgk la bangun.
Gave him pain killer to ease the pain but gagal.

So, ke hospital la jawabnya!

Ni masa dlm emergency room. DH was given 2 shots to ease the pain.

Then was brought to the Xray room.

After few hours waiting, Dr came and told there is possibility of slipped disc L1 but yet to confirm as he is not the specialist.

He advised DH to admit.

Dgn sehelai sepinggang, kami pon checked in la kat KPJ Tawakal.

Later that nite, my mom came over and sent our clothes.

Malam tu mmg resah nak tidur sbb memikirkan nasib DH.

The next day, specialist came and gave us good and bad news.

The good news is, DH tak kena slip disc.

Alhamdulillah.

The bad news... 

His muscle is torn quite bad jgk.

So he need to stay for few more days for physiotherapy treatment.

So checked in la kami berdua dari hari Selasa till Jumaat kat spital tu.

I took EL. 

Elok sgt le Monday and Tuesday I MC, Wed - Friday EL.

1 mgu strettttttttt tak keja.

And this is what happened when I'm bored at the hospital.

DH?

Pasrah melayan.

Dear Husband,

No matter what, I will always stand by u.
Will be by ur side thru thick and thin.
Just like how u took care of me during my ups and downs.
I love u till Jannah.

In Shaa Allah...

Anyway, I'm on my CD 2.
So gagal lagi usaha last month.

Too lazy to think.

Kerja menimbun ujung2 tahun nih.
Cuti pon dah abis sbb this year byk amik due to TTC treatment.
Ingat nak sambung this month but bila tgk schedule December penuh dgn weddings sedara mara so postpone lagi.

Only dis weekend je free but mama pulak not well.
Wanted to go for a short vaccay nearby but seems it will be only in KL if mama still tak sihat.

Hubby pon lately sgt2 stress with his business.
Ada ari tu dia ajak I cuti 2 weeks and go to a place where ppl cud not reach us.
Proposed January ni tp something came across pulak.
Kena postpone jugak.

Haish.

I know, we can only plans but Allah decides what best for both of us.
I just hope semua akan berjalan dengan lancar.
In Shaa Allah.

TTC treatment starts back 2014 la jawabnya.
Misi 2013 hampir gagal.

For the past 2 weeks, I've consumed Shaklee.
B Complex + GLA + Alfafa + Zinc Complex.
Lets see the result nanti.

Ada yg nak beli, can use my ID.

Break.

We both decided to continue TTC on normal mode this few months.
Patut hari tu igt nak continue treatment dengan Dr. Adilah, September ni.
Provided that my unpaid leave is approved.

Yes, ai decided nak amik unpaid leave for a month.
Memandangkan senior exec yg patut i handover kerja2 ai ni akan start bekerja Oct, ai kena lah menundakan niat nak unpaid on September.
Boss mintak dia masuk dulu baru apply balik.
Most likely November onwards la baru boleh unpaid.

It's a tough decision, but at this particular moment, ai would do anything and sacrifice everything for TTC.

Tak dapat long break, we opt for short break.

Credits : Goo.gle for the Images.

Yes, we both are going for another round of Honeymoon on Oct.

Percutian tak dirancang.

Last Monday, saja gatal tangan bukak AAGo.

Sekali check la utk date before Raya haji tu.

And, wallah!

Dpt package ke Phuket ni for RM 1.1K for 2 pax.

Flight + Accommodation 4D/3N.

Takde pikir lama2, terus je beli.

Tau-tau time of arriving KL is mlm raya aji! 

Hahahhaha.

And if my AF on time that cycle, time kat Phuket tu nanti is my CD 14 - CD 18.

Who knows kan?

With a month's time to plan apa nak buat kt Phuket tu nanti, ai pon busy la menggoogle apa yg patut di buat kat sana..

Island tour tu mcm tak yah je sbb the other day g Krabi pon dah buat island tour.

Basically the same islands pon.

Macam la nak try water rafting... 

Ada yg dah penah g Phuket? 

Apa lagi yg best besides island hopping, fantasea?

Susah2 sgt, ai layan dok lam bilik je terusssssssssssssssss...

Emosi di malam hari.

Malam tadi sebelum tido, ai tetiba emo.

Dalam linangan air mata, mintak maaf dekat DH.
Dia pon terkejut.
Mintak maaf sebab tak dpt nak kasi dia zuriat lagi.

And again, DH is so calm.
Dgn tenang, dia suruh ai jgn mengarut.
Dia percaya semua ni ada hikmah.
Allah tahu apa yang terbaik utk kami.

Dan dlm linangan air mata jugak la ai tido tak sedar diri.