Hari Raya = Berat Naik

Yes. Lupa diri.
Bila timbang tgk naik 1.5kg.

Merempan sekejap.
For the past 1 week dok berkampung rumah Father in law sbb adik ipaq nak kawen.
Dok bantai nasi for dinner.
So not good!

Hasilnya naik 1.5kgs.

Pastu meroyan.
Insaf bagai.

Tapi tetap dok melantak.

So cepat2 bukak Lazada cari apa yang boleh beli utk buat home workout.

Nak beli PS4 Motion Controller tp kang pk mesti berebut PS 4 tu dgn DH.

Then ternampak la menatang ni

Niat di hati nak beli tapi tak beli2 lagi sbb tgh gigih baca review. 

Sbb nak beli is bcoz dia kecik.

If tak terpakai, ley campak masuk store room.

Bahahaha.

Budget sambil laki main PS4 boleh lah Iols berworkout.

Or maybe sambil tgk TV.

Kot nak skipping nanti kang ada org bawah naik atas mengamuk.

Agak2 ley berjaya tak? 

#5 Road to ICSI - Comfortable

Been asking around to those people who already succeed with their IVF/ICSI procedure.
Lots of questions and tips asked.
But 1 thing for sure, BED REST is a must!

BED REST means u can't go to work, eat, pray all on the bed.
U are only allowed to go to the toilet and perform Solat of course.
Itupon Solat duduk.

Wow!

So being me, thinking wayyy outside the box, I told DH, we need to find a SOFA BED!

Bahahaha.

Apa kena mengena ayte?
DH pon pelik.

I told him, I can imagine myself lying on our bed, in the room, watching a 40" TV from far can get me bored to death.
And I want to rest in our living hall.
Lebih nyaman, got more sunlights, TV lagi besar, got DVD player, got PS4 and all kind of reason I could think of.

Manja me? Yeah, I know.

And to lie down on our sofa will not keep me comfortable.
DH rejected the idea of having a SOFA BED.
He even asked "Nak letak mana pulak sofa tu?"
I told him to remove 1 of the 3 seater sofa.

"Abis nak bagi sapa sofa tu?"

Ok, pening jap.

DH terus je ckp, beli katil single bujang tu je senang.
Dah abis pakai nanti boleh dismantle letak dlm stor.

Punah impian nak sofa baru.

Period.

#2 Road to ICSI - Bersediakah aku?

1. Persediaan Kesihatan

Esok, hari untuk Dr. Natasha re-access my condition.
She'll be worried if my number of follicles is not helping me.

Setiap hari, I've tried not to show DH on how I felt inside.
How scared I am if there's only 2 or 3 follicles inside me.
The most I had was 5 follicles during my IUI last year and that is with the help of Clomid.

Berat badan pon sekarang ni dah byk turun since my last IUI.
I lost 14kgs in total and now tinggal lagi 8kg nak kena kurangkan for the right BMI.

I've started to follow Dr. Tasha advise to take supplements like Asid Folic, Fish Oil, Co10 and Multivitamins.

So let's hope for the best in me!

2. Persediaan Mental

I am now 50-50.
Sometimes, I'm being positive but at times, I do afraid if it fails.
Whether I could accept the heart breaks.

Roller coaster of emotions.

But, DH has always been supportive.
Walaupon selalu kena hadap my mood swing.
Dia relax and cool je.
Even skang ni I tau sesgt yg dia pening kepala since the "BELOVED" government buat system minyak floating ni.
Itu pon belum tambah dgn problem staff dia yg hari2 dgn mcm2 kerenah.
I mmg tak kan amik tau pesal hal station dgn dia.
He still will do his best to take care of my feelings.
Walaupon kdg2 sakit hati jugak bila I je yg kena cari info for the fertility treatment ni and dia ley relax main game, but at the end DH ni mmg jenis YES je.
Dia ikut je apa I decide.
I think most of the guys mmg macam ni kan perangai dia.
Still rasa grateful jugak sbb dia nak jgk lah ikut kan and he will of course accompany me to every single appointment with the doctors.

Not forgetting the support that I get from my closest friends and my TTCians friends.
I read all the TTCians blogs yg dah pernah buat IVF/ICSI.
Some succeed in their 1st attempt. Some not.
So semua tuh buat I rasa confident with the decision to try the procedure.

To add to it, now I selalu dengar kat youtube / mp3 all the surah-surah dan doa utk mendapatkan zuriat instead of listening to my favorite songs.
I felt more calm of doing so.

Last week kan our 6th anniversary, since we already been doing readings on IVF/ICSI before I start with the treatment, we've both decided tema hadiah anniversary kali ni is US.
Meaning, kena beli hadiah utk 2-2 boleh guna.

Dis is what I gave him.

Dis is what he gave me.

Beli ni dgn harapan nanti kalau 2ww I tak ler sangap baring saje.
But main game sebenarnya dgn DH sebenarnya lagi stress.
So we shall see how nanti ya.

3. Persediaan Kewangan

Alhamdulillah, for the past few years after I got back from Jakarta, rezeki memang tak putus2 for both of us.
Masa buat decision to come back and work in KL, hati tu terasa jugak whether I could live as it is sbb duit oversea allowance dah tak de kan.
Sebelum ni masa dok kat Jakarta, I tak bawak pon my salary nye bank card ke sana.
DH simpankan. Online banking pon I deactivated.
Survived mmg dgn duit allowance je.

So just imagine bila balik keja kat sini, I lost like half of my income.
Tapi itulah, the more I spent on the fertility treatment, the more I get back.

Besides that, jangan kedekut dgn ur parents!
In my case, I have a mom only.

Tiap2 minggu bawak dia pegi makan kat tempat dia terasa nak makan.
If dia nak baju, I belikan dia baju or apa saja lah..
Kadang2 terdetik jugak "Bulan ni nye saving berkuranglah nmpknya" tp Alhamdulillah tak berlaku.
Mesti I akan dpt je side income dari memana and selalunya lebih dr apa yg I spent kat my mom.

Pastu bersedekah lah.
Give to those who in need.
RM 1 pon tak pe.
In my case, kalau g lepak kedai mamak tu, kalau tetiba org dtg mintak sedekah, mmg I tak bagi.
I tak percaya semua tu sbb byk case kan semua tu sindiket and they have physical ability utk buat kerja lain.
Kadang2 I siap suruh DH offer kerja kat station dia kalau dia tak buta lah.
What I do, time bukak FB tu, kalau ternampak org2 yg share post minta bantuan utk kos rawatan apa2 especially utk babies and toddlers, I will do online transfer direct.
Better that way. If kena tipu pon, itu between dia dgn Allah.
In Shaa Allah Tuhan akan give back to us the money that we spent berganda2.

So kalau untuk kos rawatan IVF/ICSI ni , In Shaa Allah we both are prepared.

4. Persediaan Cuti

Another great news, my CEO has approved my leave whenever I need it for the treatment.
But of course with condition.
Dia punya condition is simple, make sure I can be contacted at any time.

So memang bawak laptop ke mana saja la jawabnya lepas ni.


So what else?

#1 Road to ICSI - IVF vs ICSI

Been doing a lot of reading on IVF vs ICSI after the last appointment with Dr. Tasha.
We came to a decision to proceed with ICSI.

Y?

Better success rate.

ICSI is differs from IVF where instead IVF fertilisation taking place in a dish where many sperm are placed near an egg and ICSI the embryologist will selects a single sperm to be injected directly to an egg,

Reason being also because DH have problem with the sperm morphology (abnormal shape).

Cost wise?
Slightly higher from IVF.

So I emailed Dr. Tasha and told her we decided ICSI and to my surprise, she is more worried on my number of follicles!

And that scares me to death!
For real!

She hopes that this Saturday when she re access me, it won't turn out that bad.

So now I am stress!
Like seriously.

Sudahnya?
I online shopping like nobody's business.
Di saat nak kena simpan duit nak bayor bill ICSI, iols g perabih duit lagi ada.

On the other hand, I am lucky to have my online TTCians friends who always there to just listen.
And of course sharing knowledge and experience on what to do.

Dah bertahun setup group wassap, but last March baru berkesempatan nak jumpa.
Grup wassap tu cumalah 6 org saje.
Konon lebih intimate kalau tak ramai org.
Which is YES.
WE became so attached sampaikan bila jumpa the other day, we spent like 4 hours talking macam dah kawan bertahun2 lamanya.
The power of blogging jugak sebenarnya.

Dlm grup tu, 1 dah berjaya dpt anak kembar thru ICSI
1 lagi soooon nak meletop after Ovarian Drilling.
1 baru lps operate buang cyst / fibroid.
1 tu dah ada anak sorang but TTC for the 2nd one for more than 5 years.
1 tu travel blogger yg I kenal dr zaman fotopages kot.

Ohh tetiba rindu nak lepak lagi dgn uols..!

Sime Darby Hitea

Hahaha dah sebulan jumpa baru teringat nak update kt blog.

Ok I'm off for another retail therapy. 

Crash, boom, bang!

Macamana tajuk post, macam tu lah hati saya waktu received the blood test results.
Need I elaborate more?

It's BFN!

Sedih?
Yes. But kali ini lebih kuat.
I cried for only few minutes in the car.

Bila dipujuk oleh DH, I managed to set myself calm.
We had our discussion.
DH wants us to give a break before proceed with the 2nd IUI.
So this cycle break jap and continue March.

DH wanted us to improve on our weaknesses the other day.
Me to reduce the fibroid size and DH to improve his sperm counts.

Kendian DH pancing pulak to go for retail therapy.











And we bought this!

After dekat 10 tahun tak tukar katil.
Dr zaman sebelum kawin.
Time kawin pon beli katil baru utk letak rumah my in laws je.

So who knows can, dgn aura katil baru, we manage to conceive naturally lagi ke..
In Shaa Allah.

Semlm masuk kerja pon saya kuat.
And later in the evening ada spotting.

AF is on its way.

Today, AF muncul.

Bohong kalau ai cakap ai tak sedey..
But I have prepared myself, kalau tak jadi this time, I will redha and will keep on trying.
I have to be positive at all time.
I tak nak stress as stress pon boleh membantu fibroid utk membesar dgn jayanya.

Besides berdoa, ai do alot of readings.
Read psl rakan2 TTCians yg dah berjaya mendapatkan zuriat.
What they do, what they eat.. semua lah.
Mana yg i mampu, i ikut.

At least I know when it turns out BFN, i know that I have gave my best shot in trying rather then not trying at all.

Till then..

Thanks to my TTCians friends and friends in Whatsapp, IG, blog, FB yg telah mendoakan saya.
Saya pon berdoa agar semua yg senasib dgn saya dibagi peluang utk mendapatkan zuriat mereka jugak..

In shaa Allah...


BHCG test = RM 91.

13dpiui - Berdebar, resah.

Lagi 2 hari utk blood test.
Since 10dpiui, I started buat UPT using the cheap and slightly expensive but not as expensive as CB nye UTP.

BFN.

Perasaan?
Biasa.
Coz dah selalu sgt tgk BFN tu.

Masa miscarriage dulu pon time buat UPT, it is BFN.

But for this blood test, I and DH mmg hoping for the best and yet preparing for the worst.
If takde rezeki dr Allah lagi kali ni, kami akan terus proceed with the 2nd IUI.

So bagi nak menghilangkan rasa stress..
Iols pon windows shopping lah..

Tgh bercita2 nak eat and drink clean nih.

So for a start, today I ordered

Check Out This.

Gigih nk berjuicing ni.

Wish me luck! 

Rasa tak best.

Semlm ada spotting sket.
Brownish2 color dia.

Today, ai woke up with my body temp rasa suam2 kuku.
Flu.
Throat gatal2.

Hoi, apekah?

Spotting takde.
Perut dah start nak cramp.

My CD 1 suppose to be next Monday.

Argghhh!!

End up...







































I ordered dis!

Puas ati!