Fuhh fuuhhh - meniup sawang kat blog..

Salam Ramadhan..

Again I have not been updating my TTC blog due to busy-ness and also I haven't continue my TTC treatment eversince the last ICSI failure.

I only continue my efforts on TTC with some supplements and Essential Oils.

Ni login pon sebab nak tiup sawang ni. Masih ada ke yang follow?

I've celebrated my 36th birthday last Sunday.

Yes 36, 7 years of marriage with no child.

Rasa apa? Sedih? Pilu?
Tipu lah kalau tak sedih.
But I is REDHA.
Bukan Pasrah.

How?
Coz I've tried every possible way dalam usaha nak dapat anak ni.. tp rezeki tu Allah belum nak bagi lagi.
Allah bukakan pintu rezeki lain utk aku.
So accept it.

Yang penting, I am happy with my life right now.
A good husband.
A good family.
A good family in laws.
A good friends.
So what more do I want?

Anyways, I still have 2 Frozen Embrios which I can't decide when to do the FET.
Kalau rasa nak buat next cycle, I would just do it.
Dats me.

1 of my TTC friend received a very good news earlier on. Twinny!
Felt so excited about her and her pregnancy.


So that's about it. Jumpa lagi ntah bila.


SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

Rohani - Doa Mohon Zuriat

RABBI LATAZARNI FHARDAAN WA AANTA KHAIRULWARISIIN

Artinya ""ya tuhanku "janganlah engkau membiarkan aku hidupku seorang diri dan engkaulah pewaris yang paling baik

(QS : AL-ANBIYA-89)

RABBI HABLI MINLLADUNKA ZURRIYATAAN TAYYIBATAAN INNAKA SAMIIUDDUA'

Artinya '' ya tuhanku , Berilah aku di sisi-Mu seorang anak yang baik ,sungguh engkau maha pendengan Do'a"

(Qs. Ali imran : 38)

#12 Road to ICSI - Less than a month!

Sedar tak sedar kan tinggal kurang dari sebulan je lagi for my ICSI.
Ikut kata Dr. T mmg September lah dia nak proceed.
Tapi tak tau la by that time my body is ready 100% or not for it.

In Shaa Allah.
Let's hope for the best.

My feelings?

Ntah.

Roller coaster of emotions.

Kejap rasa I'm fine. Kejap datang angin puting beliung.
Kejap nanges. Kejap gelak.

In terms of preparation, I ikut je apa ubat dan supplements yg Doktor suruh.
Then tried to control my food intake walau terkadang terbabas jgk.

Morning breakfast dgn Oat. 3 in 1.
Ada yg advise makan raw oat but I dah berjaya makan oat hari2 ni pon rasa dah bersyukur sgt.
Lunch tgk apa sempat. If masuk office, I ate soupy2 noodles.
Still better than nasi. Avoid as much oily food as possible.
Dinner pon either makan oat or avoiding nasi lagi.
Kat rumah, beras I beli yg organic Faiza for diabetes tu.
Paksa DH makan jgk. Tapi like once a week je kot makan nasi.

Then saya workout depan TV dgn stability balls.
30 minutes daily.
So berjaya lah turun around 1.7kgs in 10 days.
Syukur nikmat sgt dah tu.

Pastu ari tu I unfollowed semua IG retis2 dan online handbag seller.
Negative vibes to me sbb manjang stress je tgk handbag lawa2.

Bahaha.


And I changed my way of posting pictures dekat IG jgk.
Byk letak doa and positive quotes.
Biar lapang sikit hati baca.


Rohani wise, I amalkan zikir2 :
Ya Khaliq, Ya Bari', Ya Musawwir, Ya Razzaq, Ya Fatah, Ya Karim, Ya Allah.
100 times each.

Besides all the normal routine solat and solat sunat.
Setiap masa berdoa pada Allah supaya mudahkan perjalanan saya ini.

Itu je la kot for now.

#1 Road to ICSI - IVF vs ICSI

Been doing a lot of reading on IVF vs ICSI after the last appointment with Dr. Tasha.
We came to a decision to proceed with ICSI.

Y?

Better success rate.

ICSI is differs from IVF where instead IVF fertilisation taking place in a dish where many sperm are placed near an egg and ICSI the embryologist will selects a single sperm to be injected directly to an egg,

Reason being also because DH have problem with the sperm morphology (abnormal shape).

Cost wise?
Slightly higher from IVF.

So I emailed Dr. Tasha and told her we decided ICSI and to my surprise, she is more worried on my number of follicles!

And that scares me to death!
For real!

She hopes that this Saturday when she re access me, it won't turn out that bad.

So now I am stress!
Like seriously.

Sudahnya?
I online shopping like nobody's business.
Di saat nak kena simpan duit nak bayor bill ICSI, iols g perabih duit lagi ada.

On the other hand, I am lucky to have my online TTCians friends who always there to just listen.
And of course sharing knowledge and experience on what to do.

Dah bertahun setup group wassap, but last March baru berkesempatan nak jumpa.
Grup wassap tu cumalah 6 org saje.
Konon lebih intimate kalau tak ramai org.
Which is YES.
WE became so attached sampaikan bila jumpa the other day, we spent like 4 hours talking macam dah kawan bertahun2 lamanya.
The power of blogging jugak sebenarnya.

Dlm grup tu, 1 dah berjaya dpt anak kembar thru ICSI
1 lagi soooon nak meletop after Ovarian Drilling.
1 baru lps operate buang cyst / fibroid.
1 tu dah ada anak sorang but TTC for the 2nd one for more than 5 years.
1 tu travel blogger yg I kenal dr zaman fotopages kot.

Ohh tetiba rindu nak lepak lagi dgn uols..!

Sime Darby Hitea

Hahaha dah sebulan jumpa baru teringat nak update kt blog.

Ok I'm off for another retail therapy. 

1st Appt with Dr. Natasha Ain

Ok semlm pegi ke Hospital Pusrawi for the 1st appointment dgn Dr. Tasha.
Instead of taking half day EL, I got half day MC sebab batuk teruk and tonsil bengkak.
So sampai kt Pusrawi mmg awal sejam dr scheduled 230pm.

Buat registration then dpt no.
1st patient.
Tp nurse dah bgtau awal2 yg dr maybe lambat sbb ada case.
So waited till 345pm baru dpt jumpa dr Tasha ni.

Oh em gee!
She is beautiful as well!
And soft too.
Lebih kurang sama macam Dr Adilah tp Dr Adilah cam tegas sikit and Dr. Tasha ni lebih lembut lagi bila bercakap.

So start la explain and showed her our previous report.
Her direct conclusion,

Her reason, we've tried IUI before and it has been 6 years and we are both 35 this year.
Why wait?

Somemore, DH got problem as well.
To make it even worse, when she did the TVS scan, my fibroid is still there but alhamdulillah the size has been reduced from 5 cm (last IUI) and now 2.5cm.
And the position of the fibroid pon tak mengganggu ovary.
Also another problem of mine is, the number of follicles.
Semalam dpt tgk 1 je on left side, yg belah kanan tak nampak apa pun.

If I have problems with my number of follicles, makin panjang la citer TTC iols nampaknya.
She prescribed me with supplements to increase the follicles number.
Next appointment will be next Saturday.

What she told me to consume :

1. Multivitamins
2. Fish oil any brand
3. Coenzyme Q10 any brand.
4. Asid folic

IVF cost under Dr Tasha is around RM 14-15K.

Now, am I ready to go for IVF this cycle?

CD 3 - Cycle gagal lagi.

Walaupon dah sehabis relax dgn bercuti sana-sini but takde rezeki lagi utk kami bulan ini.
Sad?
Nah.

Redha.

Belum sampai waktunya lagi utk Allah bg rezeki itu kepada kami.
Tp Alhamdulillah.. Allah masih lagi bagi kami rezeki lain di bulan ini.

My Maxshoppe Delicacies cookies utk raya mostly dah abis terjual at selected kedai Mesra Petronas.
Despite all the complaints and maki hamun sbb payung belum abis lagi.
Masih ada customer yg membeli our raya cookies.

Syukur.

Sebut pesal payung Petronas, memang Iols malas nak komen apa2.
Kalau defend lebey kang ada jgk mulut2 yg berbunyik.
Even for ourself pon tak dpt nak bg sanak saudara, adik beradik the payung walaupon berbagai tohmahan dilemparkan kat dealer ckp kami sorok payung lah..

Hebat kuasa payung Petronas ni.

This week akan ke Raub for cousin's wedding.
Eh jalan lagi?

After that, berakhirlah sudah misi jalan2 kami.
I gotta concetrate on my next project.
Yg dah dekat 2 bulan jgk tertangguh.

Nak g jumpa Dr Adilah this month pon dia bercuti haji.
Bersabar je la next cycle.
Dah 5 tahun lebih ley sabar kan, inikan pulak 1 bulan je..

Mungkin ada hikmah dia, who knows.

Will I have the chance?

Bila baca good news dr some of the TTCians yg dah berjaya conceived this month, I started to think will I have the same chance as well?

Knowing that I have tried many things in order to conceive for the past 5 years lagi membuatkan I tertanya-tanya.. will I be able to go thru the experience of becoming a mother to my own child?

I have a friend who recently adopt a baby boy.
She is a very good friend of mine.
We've been friends since we were in form 1.

Memang dari skolah lagi she only had her period like 3 - 5 times a year.
Her first marriage doesn't work for her.
Married for like a year then divorced.

Then on 2010, she got married to another guy who is much much older than her with 3 kids.
Since then she tried to get herself conceived.
She was lucky this time as the hubby is super rich!
So money wasn't an issue for them.

She tried IUI. Failed.
Went for IVF. Failed.
Then she had her Ovarian Drilling since she is not producing eggs.
Tried another IVF. Failed.

She gave up.
She told me she is adopting a baby boy.

And now, the baby is with her.
She is now happy with her new life.


So, me?
Ada rasa nak gave up but deep down inside, I still putting hopes.
I'll give myself till next year kot.
Then will consider to adopt.

Perhaps.

CD 2 - Appointment set with Dr. Chantek.

Called Ida, nurse Dr Chantek.
Appointment is set tomorrow.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah perjalanan ku yang satu ini di tahun baru ini...

Will keep posting on the journey soon.

DIY - IUI

Aha..
I've found this article very interesting which I believed ramai TTCians pon mungkin dah baca about it.
Anyhow, I still nak share jugak about this.
And I guess, I am going to give a try this month. Read : Last cycle gagal lagi.

SELF INSEMINATION - Dr Hamid Arshat

Saya akan jelaskan tentang satu kaedah rawatan DIY untuk tingkatkan peluang hamil. Kos jauh lebih murah dari IUI dan peluang hamil hampir sama.

Ikuti link ini tentang IUI

Ada beberapa kaedaan yang menghalang kehamilan berlaku akibat dari kegagalan benih suami masuk kedalam rahim.

1. Kegagalan persetubuhan. Jangan terkejut masih ada pasangan yang gagal melakukan persetubuhan walaupun setelah beberapa tahun berkahwin . Bukan tidak ada keinginan atau keghairahan tapi isteri ada phobia atau ketakutan setiap kali mencoba bersetubuh. Ada wanita yang masih dara selepas 6 tahun kahwin.

2. Lemah tenaga batin khususnya pihak suami atau 'mati pucuk' dan tidak bolih melakukan persetubuhan. Tetapi dia masih bolih mengeluarkan air mani secara mastubation.

3. Suami sering mengalami 'premature ejaculation' dan tidak bolih masukkan benih dalam faraj isteri. Air mani tumpah diluar , dia ejaculate sebelum dapat masukkan zakar kedalam faraj isteri.

4. Suami ada kecacatan semula jadi/congenital pada saluran air dimana muncungnya terbuka dipangkal bukan dihujung batang zakar (hypospadias). Bila dia ejaculate/pancut air mani diluar faraj.

5. Suami terlalu letih dan tidak terdaya melakukan persetubuhan sedang isteri subur (ovulation) . Tapi bolih keluarkan air mani cara paksaan (mastubation)

6. Benih suami kurang bilangan, kurang pergerakkan dan kurang yang bentuk normal.

Apa bolih dilakukan untuk cuba hamil.?

Saya cadangkan satu kaedah yang digelar 'Self Insemination' - satu cara permanian yang dilakukan olih pasangan suami isteri sendiri tanpa bantuan doktor.

1. Bila datang haid . Makan ubat subur clomid 2 biji setiap malam selama 5 malam berturut2 mulai hari kedua haid bagi mereka yang punya pusingan haid teratur ( 28 - 32 hari)

Jika haid jarang datang sebab PCOS makan Norculut 2 biji, 2 kali sehari - sarapan dan makan malam - selama 10 hari. Haid akan datang 3 - 4 hari lepas habis norculut. Makan clomid 4 biji setiap malam selama 5 malam. Beli clomid dari klinik saya atau farmasi.

2. Ovulation Test kit (5 ujian). Ujian air kencing untuk kesan waktu subur dimulakan pada hari ke10 bagi pusingan haid 28 - 30 hari dan hari ke14 bagi pengidap PCOS. Beli ovulation test kit dari klinik saya atau farmasi.

Buat ujian setiap hari hingga jalur ujian sama warna dengan jalur control (positif) .

Bila positif ujian ovulation , pematangan telor akan berlaku 24 - 48 jam selapas itu - esok atau lusa. Mula self insemination esok.

3. Cara lakukan self insemination (DIY). Beli beberapa 3 cc/ml syringe plastik (disposable sterile). Beli 10 - 20 syringe 3cc simpan untuk kegunaan masa depan. Jarum tidak perlu digunakan .

Perlu bekas sterile untuk tadah air mani suami yang dikeluarkan secara mastubasi.

Sebaiknya jangan bersetubuh selama 3 hari sebelum insemination.

Setelah dapat air mani suami, biarkan ia cair selama 1-2 jam. Lepas itu sedut 2-3 cc/ml air mani yang cair kedalam syringe tanpa gunakan jarom. Sedut dari cecair lapisan atas kerana benih2 yang aktif akan berenang2 keatas.

Wanita baring  dan suntikan air mani kedalam faraj dengan masukkan keseluruhan syringe dan tolak plungger. Bolih buat sendiri atau olih suami. Baring selama 2 jam dengan bantal dibawah ponggong. Prosedur tak sakit kerana saiz syringe adalah kecil.  jika pintu faraj sempit pelincir KY jelly bolih digunakan.

Sebaiknya lakukan prosedur ini pada waktu malam selepas solat isha.

Perlu buat 2 kali self insemination untuk setiap pusingan haid. Esoknya lepas ujian positif dan 2 hari kemudiannya.

Peralatan dan ubat2 clomid serta norculut bolih dibeli dari klinik saya atau farmasi terdekat.

Wanted to continue with the treatment with Dr. Adilah but due to unforeseen circumstances, gotta postpone it.

Lagipon berita tentang unpaid leave tu belum ada khabar.

And I am so busy with lotsa things.

So DIY kita! 

Treatment History

Transvaginal USG - September 2010 (Jakarta)

Cost : Rp +- 500,000 (app. RM 150)

Blood test - December 2012 (Jakarta)

HSG and Sperm Analysia - December 2011 (Jakarta)

Total cost for all = Rp 1 juta (RM 350)

O & G - February 2012 (Hospital Selayang)

Reg & Consultation cost = RM 100

Fibroid 14cm in size detected.

Lucrine - February 2012 - May 2012 (Hospital Selayang)

Medicine + Consultation Cost = RM 60 per month

Myomectomy Surgery - June 2012 (Hospital Selayang)

Surgery Cost = RM 5k

Rest from June 2012 - Sept 2012

Follow up check up with gynae 

Cost = RM 60 per check up

Clomid 50mg - Nov 2012 - Jan 2012

Medicine + Consultation = RM 90 per month

Cd 2 February 2013 - LPPKN under Dr. Komathy

1st Appointment - Interview + Amik darah + Sperm analysis

Cost : RM 200 + registration

CD 10 February - HSG at Tawakal Hospital

Both tubes are normal in caliber and peritoneal spill is seen on both sides left more than right.

Cost = RM 180

CD 21 - Amik darah (LPPKN)

Free.

CD 1 March - called to make appointment with Dr. but hampa sebab Dr ada kursus. 

They asked me to call next cycle.

Disebabkan kecewa dgn Dr. K, I called PHKL.

CD 12 March - Appointment dgn Dr. Cantik (Pantai Hospital KL)

TVS - got 1 big follicle size 19mm.

USG - 1 sub-ferosal uterine fibroid in 8cm size detected.

Dr. Cantik said can proceed with IUI next Monday.

She prescribed me with Ovidrel.

Cost = RM 585

Unfortunately, something turn out that Monday, we've decided to postpone the IUI.

CD 1 April - Called LPPKN. Managed to get appointment with Dr. K on CD 3.

CD 3 April - Counseling session with Dr. K.

She prescribe me with Clomid 100mg for 5 days.

Cost = RM 46

Next appointment to scan the egg size will be tomorrow. CD 11.

Grand total for now = RM 7361 *icanbuy2pradahandbagandgucciloafers*

History.

I've been married for 4 years and 9 days.
3 bulan sebelum kawen, Dr told that I have fibroid (s).
Masa tuh it is too small to be remove.
Dr ckp tgk selepas kawin macamane as some cases, the fibroid (s) can shrink due to hormone changed.

Unfortunately, 2 months after I got married, I was transferred to Jakarta.
Leaving my husband back here in KL.

So bermula lah kehidupan long distance marriage between us.
I flew back CGK - KUL - CGK once every 2 weeks.
And kadang2 Sang Suami terbang ke Jakarta if I tak boleh balik.

A year passed by without me ada tanda2 nak preggy pon.
We have the thought, maybe its the LDR.
Sbb mmg kdg2 tu timing I balik tak kena.

Masuk 2nd year TTC, I've decided to seek for Dr's advise.
Mostly I pegi dekat Jakarta nye hospitals.
Which cost me da bomb!

Once I did the TVS and masa tu dpt tau that my fibroid has gone bigger.
Tapi the Dr said no need to worry sbb tak ganggu peranakkan.
I've started to take some medicine to reduce the fibroid size.

Masuk 3rd year, pegi scan tgk fibroid size lagi.
Tak jugak kecik.
So we both make decisions to remove the fibroid (s).

Masa ni penat dia Tuhan aje yang tau.
Ulang alik balik KL and then buat check up dekat Hospital Selayang.

My gynae, Dr. Roslan.
Wonderful doctor.
Myomectomy surgery is planned on 14th June 2012.
And to our surprise, I got 1 big fibroid attached to my uterus!
But Alhamdulillah, the surgery is a success.

I was told to stop TTC for 6 months.
And I got 3 months MC.
During time berehat tu, I've decided to request to work back in KL.
Masa tuh dah nekad, kalau tak dpt transfer, mmg nak resign je.

Yes, it's time to put my family as my first priority.
Alhamdulillah, I managed to get the transfer back to KL.

So by 11th January 2013, here I am back in Bumi Malaysia.

And our TTC journey starts again.