Allah menguji hambaNya ini...

Beware : This is going to be super long entry.


Tak tau macamana nak start tulis this entry.
Dgn keadaan hati yg masih sedih dan pilu.
Ai need the strength for all this.

Last Thursday, ai was confirmed by the doctor that I had miscarriaged!
The worst part, ai dont even know that i'm pregnant!!!!!!
Dr said the fetus size is around 10 weeks.

Ok meh flash back balik the story.

Last May, refer to this entry CD 2 and CD 5 ,
Then on CD 26, ai punye period dtg balik.
Ai thought it is absolutely normal sbb normal pon my cycle is around CD 28 or CD 29.
Tp period ni pendek sgt.
3 days.
But flow dia nak kata sikit tak sikit, byk tak byk.
So end up buat tak tau je la.

Then ai ng Shuben pon mmg tak terpk langsung psl TTC last month.
Memasing busykan diri bake cookies.

Till last 30th June.

I had my AF.
CD 1 tu dia kuar lite-lite je.
Masuk pagi CD 2, ai sakit pinggang and belakang bagai nak rak.
Berpeluh2 pagi tu.
So pegi lah clinic.
Igt period pain biasa.
Dr bagi MC 2 ari.

Masuk CD 4, after balik keja, sampai je rumah, ai terasa nak kencing.
So pegi la toilet.
Tetiba nampak something yg pelik sikit kat atas pad.
So ai pon telek la.
Igt kan blood cloth tp warna bukan darah hitam ketul2 tu.
Then ai beranikan diri utk belek and pegang2 that thing.
Pegang rasa mcm jelly.
Ai tried to pour water kat that thing.
Pastu nampak warna dia macam lite2 chocolate.

Dis time ai berani kan diri utk amik and pegang benda tu.
Bentuk dia macam ikan.
Atas macam bulat but bawah macam nak berekor sikit.

I mmg confirm that it was not blood cloth.
So terjerit2 la ai panggil my Shuben.
Dia mmg la tak tau langsung tu apa.
Then called my mom.
She also had no idea apa tu.

So we both decided utk simpan that thing dlm bekas and will bring it to gynae the next day utk confirmation.

Mlm tu mmg tak tenang idop ai.
Dok google on Fetus.
Then found one lebey kurang mcm apa yg ai simpan tu.
8 weeks size katanya.

Shuben macam biasa. Tenang je dia.

Tak puas ati lagi, ai contacted my gynae friend.
Wassap dia the pic.
He said it could be fetus or maybe my fibroid jgk.
Dia tak tgk sendiri so dia tak tau.

The next morning, (last Thursday) try to contact my gynae tp tak dpt nak buat appointment.
We both decided nak cari gynae nearby.
Came across Klinik Bersalin Muslimah dekat Tmn Samudra tu.
Berjaya jumpa gynae kat situ.

Bila tunjuk je that thing.
She confidently ckp it is fetus.
Told her this story, dia ckp most likely yg AF seblom cycle ni was implantation bleeding.
Mungkin sbb my fibroid ada, bleeding tu jd byk.

She measured the fetus and it was 4cm.
10 weeks katanya.
But when we both did some calculation, most likely its 8 weeks.

Ai tried to hold my tears masa kat clinic tu.
After settled je with 2 days of MC, masuk keta je mmg nangis.
My Shuben as usual take it positively walaupon ai tau dia sedih.

He said that, its a positive sign showing that ai can pregnant normal.
Without treatment.

I tried to take it positively also but being women, kejap2 mesti teringat punya.

But in other hand, ai bersyukur jgk lah knowing that ai am NORMAL.
And betapa besar kuasa Allah, dikurniakan ai nikmat pregnant tu tanpa ai tahu pon.
Ai got no morning sickness.
Takde rasa mual2 ke.
Nothing at all.

And today, I'm back in d office.
Menjawab segala soalan, sampai my CEO asked me to get some rest.